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Access - what can I insist on?

(17 Posts)
Blushingm Sat 13-Aug-16 22:52:25

Ex is living with his parents who hate me, we split about a month ago.

Ex ils haven't spoken to me for more than 2 years, slag me off to my kids, fil hit ds (DH didn't tell me and when I did find out he said he'd 'had a word with fil') Ds hates going there as they moan he never rings etc and generally have a go, they treat dd as a trophy but she doesn't realise and will do anything to avoid arguments anyway, they are generally very controlling

Can I insist DC have zero contact with ils?

Missgraeme Sat 13-Aug-16 22:55:49

In a word. No. When your ex dh has the kids it's really up to him who they spend time with. Ob unless offences against kids or court deemed inappropriate. Sorry u don't get to decide. Been there tho and it's bloody awful. When the kids get old enough to they can tell him they aren't going-until then u just have to help them adapt to the new life.

Blushingm Sat 13-Aug-16 23:12:57

Even though ds was hit?

They are complete bullies and I really worry about how they'll make DC feel. DS says he doesn't really want to see them but DD isn't really aware of how they can be

ChampagneCommunist Sat 13-Aug-16 23:13:48

How old are the DC?

Blushingm Sat 13-Aug-16 23:14:38

DD is 10
Ds is 14

SandyY2K Sat 13-Aug-16 23:52:44

It depends on how he was hit.
Did it leave a mark?
Was it a smack? With a hand.
Where on his body was it?
Any witnesses?
Could or would your DS be able to tell another adult, like a social worker this coherently?

If your DS is scared of going there because of this, then you might be able to have it stopped.

You can speak to a safeguarding officer at your local authority if you live in the UK.

Blushingm Sun 14-Aug-16 00:00:52

It was a smack about the head - because he didn't clear the table!

DS told me - he was vvvvv upset. When I told ex he said he knew!

DH has also shoved ds on a number of occasions too...........DH never behaves this way with dd. I do NOT agree with this in any way

Me & ds are v close

AcrossthePond55 Sun 14-Aug-16 00:19:43

DS is 14. He's old enough for his wishes to be taken into consideration by the courts. Would it be worth pursuing?

What would happen if DS flat refused to go?

Blushingm Sun 14-Aug-16 00:44:59

I'd never force him or guilt trip him to going over there - if he didn't want to go he doesn't have to

Mummylin Sun 14-Aug-16 01:04:05

Hi * blushing* just noticed this and wanted to say I'm sorry you are going through this.i remember you from an old thread we were both on a few years ago. Hope you can get suitable help and advice.

Blushingm Sun 14-Aug-16 01:09:29

Hi mummylin- of course I remember you! Hope you are well and thank you x

CannotEvenDeal Sun 14-Aug-16 01:13:20

Urgh my dh's exw's parents emotionally abused my dss and there was fuck all we could do about it when it was her week to have him until we eventually got the RO a few years back.

A different situation, I know, and zero help but just to offer sympathy and good luck flowerschocolate

SandyY2K Sun 14-Aug-16 01:29:37

Sorry.. For some reason I misread and thought he was 4, not 14.

Well if it was my son, I would take it further and I'd tell him quite clearly he doesn't have to go if he doesn't want to.

I have a few social worker friends, so they'd point me in the right direction.

A smack across the head and shoves by his dad aren't acceptable. The fact that DS is telling you means he wants you to do something about it.

You don't want this to affect him later in life.

Re your initial question. Because you Ex lives with his parents, it wouldn't be possible to have no contact with them, unless your Ex saw them elsewhere.

Their slagging you off to the kids is very damaging too.

Would you like me to ask one of my friends the best thing to do in this situation?

PM me if you want, as I don't usually come on the D/S board and might miss a reply.

Pisssssedofff Sun 14-Aug-16 14:11:23

At 14 it would assult to hit him around the head, you only have 6 months to press charges

Blushingm Sun 14-Aug-16 14:40:18

Would it? I really wish I'd gone to the police when I found out!

Pisssssedofff Sun 14-Aug-16 15:01:32

Of course it would, how would you feel if I hit you around the head ? It's a criminal offence.

Blushingm Sun 14-Aug-16 15:16:29

If I think of it like that I can see what you're saying

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