Separation advice needed please

[Lou141]

Hi,

I have been with my husband for 8 years, we have two children of 6 and 2. Our relationship has deteriorated to the point where I want to leave him, he's hurt me (emotionally) too much and I can't take it anymore. I don't know where to start or what to do.

We don't have a relationship where everything comes out of our combined account and where everything is shared. He pays the rent and council tax. I pay/paid for everything else. Currently I work full time 5 days a week but have gotten myself into debt because of the amount I have to pay out. One of the sticking points of our relationship is that he is extremely tight and never helped out. I have always had one existing credit card and one loan. However recently I have had to increase my borrowing. I have now taken on an overdraft. All of my salary goes in and out again, however I am now trapped in my overdraft.

I want to be able to leave my husband and take my children with me or him leave and have no uprooting for my two. Trouble is where do I start? I just have no clue. I have told him our relationship is over. He is still living in the house except he sleeps in the living room.

Any advice would be really appreciated x

[Minime85]

Can you go and see citizen's advice? I know they can help you sort out financial issues. Are you able to stay with parents at all?

[Verso]

Lou141 I am sorry you are going through this. I came on here to post something very similar.

I phoned the CAB today about my situation and they were great. I have a 30-minute free solicitor's appointment later in the week to outline my options. In particular I am worried about making sure we have a 50:50 or otherwise reasonable co-parenting agreement. The reason I say this is that my (D)H's usual threat whenever I ask him to stop bullying me, is that he will take the children (DD7 and DD11) away from me. I would like proper reassurance that that is unlikely. (He is disabled, so is at home full time. I, on the other hand, work full time outside the home... he plays on my fear and says I would never get access as he's the primary caregiver.)

Do call them. Knowledge is power, as they say. I wouldn't leave the home, unless you or your children are in danger. You both have the right to stay there, and as long as it's not too uncomfortable I would do so until you decide what will happen longer term.