Does living separately make divorce easier?

(5 Posts)
Jamiejamie74 Tue 02-Aug-16 23:31:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GettingScaredNow Tue 02-Aug-16 23:36:49

Has made mine a millions times easier. But then I was in an abusive situation. Which one he served with divorce papers he ramped up his coercive control and it was quite unbearable. And not just for me, for my DC.

Him being removed from the property and us now living separately has meant zero arguments and he has just signed whatever papers I have presented him with.
We are extremely (bordering on passive aggressively) amicable. But then he wants quite a lot from me, so it's in his interests to be.

So for me, yes. It's easier. If your relationship wasn't abusive... I'm not sure. But I still lean towards it being easier and less volatile. Purely based on there being distance and boundaries put back in place that a relationship tends to remove.

flowers

Jamiejamie74 Wed 03-Aug-16 07:39:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jamiejamie74 Wed 03-Aug-16 07:40:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GettingScaredNow Wed 03-Aug-16 14:29:31

Why would living apart be permanent? If you are both in agreement that you need a break to let the dust settle then it is the right move.

If he/you is saying 'if it's a trial break then that's the end of everything' then that is a massive manipulation and the marriage is over anyway.
A loving caring partner would be devastated as opposed to furious. And certainly wouldn't attempt to manipulate and control you.

It's a huge decision to make.
Your children may blame you, depends what 'facts' they are fed through out their life.
My DC will likely blame me and that will hurt but my STBXH was removed from our flat 3 weeks ago and so far my 2 DC have shown monumental improvement.
My DS (23 months) no longer kicks, hits, throws, bites or has screaming meltdowns.
My Dd (4) is generally happier and less inhibited.
I am like a new person. Dd says 'I like the new mummy more then the old mummy'.
But STBXH hasn't had much contact or chance to poison them yet.

You can't stay in a marriage for the sake of the kids. That doesn't work.

So, take a big step back. Lay it all out on the floor and see what is holding your marriage together. It's a huge undertaking to divorce someone who is opposed to it or digs their heels in but ultimately they can't force you to stay married.
Depends how much you want out and why?

Hands down, best thing I ever EVER did. For me. And my DC of course.

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