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Should we sepatate?

(5 Posts)
Zebrajam Wed 27-Jul-16 06:11:31

I have been with my husband for 14 years and we have 2 children. Over the years he has taken his stress out on me by shouting and having tantrums. There have also been lots of good times.
Over the past 4 years I have been doing a degree which has added to his stress and financial strain. This resulted in frequent outbursts and being shouted at for being selfish. Each time he does this he would apologize the next day and say he didn't mean it but it has ground me down. I told him that one day I would have enough and that day has come.
He wants a final chance to change but I have heard this many times before. I have emotionally checked out, I feel it's damaging to me and the kids to stay with him. However, I appreciate that he does love me and is a good father.
Do I give him another chance? Do I split up our family as it feels like a toxic environment? Can I do this to him?! Am I an awful person to say I've had enough and I can't Gove him another final chance?!

Thanks in advance,
Zebra x

FolderReformedScruncher Wed 27-Jul-16 06:19:13

Each time he has behaved like this and you have stayed, it has encouraged him to just carry on. Unless something is done differently this time (eg counselling or something) nothing will change this time either. If it has gone on for years I think I would leave. You have told him multiple times his cycle upsets you so it shouldn't come as a surprise. You have done enough now surely? LTB

HairyMoose Wed 27-Jul-16 06:30:51

It sounds like he maybe suffers from anxiety or struggled to control his emotions. I get this and sometimes I really can't control myself at all. I'm dealing with it by doing breathing exercises when I feel it coming on and it definitely helps. Maybe get him to do an anger management course or stress relief management before you write him off as honestly it really is hard to control. If he still continues then separate but perhaps give him a chance with some professional help first.

Zebrajam Wed 27-Jul-16 09:45:54

He does suffer from anxiety and so do I. I want him to get counselling or some sort of talking therapy for his own wellbeing. I'm not sure if the damage has already been done to our marriage - I feel trapped at the thought of being with him forever 🙁.

HairyMoose Wed 27-Jul-16 14:12:12

I understand, my DP has bipolar scizophrenia and honestly I felt the same as you and was so sick of it all. Until he was put on the right meds, he's changed unbelievably and is completely different and now I can't imagine being with anyone else. It can make a huge difference. He doesn't get any episodes anymore so maybe it's not too late but only you can decide if you willing to spend anymore time with this and if there is a small possibility your feelings might change, otherwise it's best to separate even temporarily initially.

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