My h earns significantly more than me. We've been married 11 years, and most of that time I've worked one day a week, using the rest of my time to look after the children, now 9, 7, 5 and 3. I've already made arrangements to increase my hours at work from this September, but because of the childcare costs of a pre-schooler, I won't be working full-time.
We have a big mortgage on our house, but there is some equity. H seems to think that it is very straightforward - I should move out and rent somewhere, we should share childcare 50:50, and in a year or so he will pay me my half of the equity on the house and 'buy me out'.
I have struggled with my mental health over the last few years. H was diagnosed with ASD just over a year ago, and the four children all seem to have varying degrees of this. I've been in a very lonely place, and we've had couples counselling etc, but nothing that shift his way of thinking. My main concern is for the emotional well-being of the children. I don't think they are at all happy, and I think if H and I were separated they would be more settled and have a more 'normal' life if that makes sense!
I have discussed with him that I feel I should stay in the family home with the children, as I am mainly responsible for them - with him working full-time. He thinks this will change as I'll 'have to work full time' and I just feel like I'm being pushed around (again) by his way of thinking.
I've suggested to him that perhaps we can't decide on arrangements without some help - family mediation? I want to work with him and be amicable, but am really worried about agreeing to things to keep the peace, and then ending up with nothing. Feel financially very vulnerable and not very strong emotionally. I know I need to seek legal advice, this is just a general toe in the water to see if anyone else has experience of this kind of situation. It will just help me to formulate my ideas and questions. Thank you for reading.
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Divorce/separation
separating, not sure children, house etc - is it always 50:50?
10 replies
MrsMiss · 01/07/2016 09:37
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