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So where are we going to live?

(15 Posts)
CherryPicking Wed 29-Jun-16 18:02:19

Ex has foregone maintenance so far in order to pay the mortgage instead. I'm the primary carer of our young children, in work based training but not paid employment. Ex is going to force through the decree absolute as I was wanting to wait to get the finances sorted first. He's also threatening to take me to court over finances rather than settling through his solicitor (I can't afford one). He has a good salary and long term employment. I just don't know what's going to happen to me and the kids or where we'll live. If he makes me sell the house, what little equity we have will be enough to disqualify me from council housing but not enough to do anything with. Help, please!

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CherryPicking Wed 29-Jun-16 18:03:25

Forgot to say he told me today he'll be paying child maintenance only in the financial settlement.

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sleepy2grumpy Wed 29-Jun-16 18:14:17

I'm watching this thread with interest. I've not really got any advice. I'm hoping that the council will take pity on me and get me temporary emergency housing until my house is sold.

Lilacpink40 Wed 29-Jun-16 18:16:10

I'm pretty sure he can't force the final divorce through. My solicitor told me she won't let mine go through until we have a financial settlement that I'm happy with.

Lilacpink40 Wed 29-Jun-16 18:19:06

He has a much higher wage now and is likely to in the future, so don't sign anything agreeing only to child only maintenance. You would be due money from his pension.

Have a look at wikivorce if you can't get a solicitor.

ConkersDontScareSpiders Wed 29-Jun-16 18:19:42

Think court would order you to try mediation first- court is the last resort?

CherryPicking Wed 29-Jun-16 18:20:00

His solicitor says he's advising him on how to go about getting the decree absolute through himself even though my solicitor is hanging on to it for me ,( could only afford to hire her for divorce and child contact.)

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CherryPicking Wed 29-Jun-16 18:21:11

He's already taken me to court over the kids before I filed for divorce though this was last year.

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ConkersDontScareSpiders Wed 29-Jun-16 18:22:06

You are eligible for half of all marital assets including pension, any savings, house equity-as a starting point -courts will often put the spilt in the lower earners favour depose dog in potential for future earnings etc.
See a solicitor yourself-get some advice.he might work out that he can't call the shots like that and be more reasonable if he realises you are better informed than he thought you were

Fourormore Wed 29-Jun-16 18:29:09

A judge is unlikely to allow the decree absolute until the finances are sorted.

Can you afford the mortgage on your own?

Fourormore Wed 29-Jun-16 18:30:38

He can apply for the DA himself but I would be very surprised if his solicitor hasn't advised him against it. Don't believe what he says about his solicitor.

donners312 Wed 29-Jun-16 20:35:23

also would he have to pay your costs? I know it's not guaranteed. Could you get a solicitor then.

or just sit it out and let the judge decide?

donners312 Wed 29-Jun-16 20:36:51

also the financial split is separate to maintenance so he can't say he's giving you maintenance that way?

CherryPicking Wed 29-Jun-16 21:37:10

I can't afford the mortgage on my own, Sadly. He's already supposed to be paying half my costs for the divorce, but that won't happen until it's all final. Solicitors fees for finances would be about £800, which isny money I can afford unless I forgo food, bills etc.

Fourormore - the solicitor says in the letter that he's 'advising' him on filing for the decree absolute and taking me to court over finances. He's such a bully - an abusive bastard and I hate handing the kids over to him. He honestly looked ready to beat me up when he picked them up today. But 'x looked highly aggressive' meant fuck all when he applied for overnight contact, and it will still mean fuck all to the court now. CAFCASS gave not one soliltary shit. Saw a counsellor for my anxiety a few months ago and explained my fears for the kids and she said 'well you can call children's services if you're worried
.. But that would put the spotlight on you as much as him" and I thought about my inability to keep on top of the housework etc and thought what hope have I got? Who's going to listen to me?

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Fourormore Wed 29-Jun-16 21:57:32

Okay so he could file for the DA and the judge would likely make him waiting until the court had dealt with the finances, especially if there's a pension.

I'm not a lawyer so I can't advise you but unless he's on really quite a high wage then it does sound like the house would need to be sold. If you could make the mortgage payments then there are other options such as him waiting until the children are 18 before he sees any of the equity but if you can't make the payments, I don't think it's all that likely he'd be forced to pay those as well as on his own place.

Can you borrow the £800? Put it on a credit card? Friend/family? Sell something? I would strongly, strongly recommend getting legal advices where it comes to finances.

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