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Having his cake and eating it

(3 Posts)
user1466803045 Fri 24-Jun-16 23:04:55


New to this so feel a bit nervous.

My situation.....have been with my partner ( not married ) for 23 years and have 2 children 8 and 4.

He tells me that he's not in love with me anymore and no one else is involved however I know that there is.

I am absolutely heartbroken, he has been my best friend for 23 years, we've shared everything together and I have always been 100% loyal and honest.

He says he cares for me but doesn't fancy me anymore, he says that he wants to remain living here for the children. He comes home from work does bedtime routine then just goes out to the other womens house, doesn't tell me that he is going out he just leaves and comes back very late or on a Friday goes 'out ' straight from work and doesn't come home until 4:00 am . while he is here there are no raised voices or arguments , I fact for the last 23 years we've never really had a cross word .

He doesn't know that I know about the other woman, he is having his cake and eat it and it's frustrating me.
I'm aware of how i stand with the house , 50% each but I maybe awarded more with having the children with me. They are going to be heartbroken but I suppose I'm trying to get my head around it so I can be strong for them when the time comes to telling them.

Needing advice upon how to tell him that I know about the other women , to stop lying to me and how to get him to move out.
. Think I want him to move out, if he wants to be with her why doesn't he just go and live with her!!

He is an idiot for losing his family!!!

If you have got this far thanks for reading and any advice would be welcome

Thank you

Smorgasboard Wed 13-Jul-16 23:50:27

As you never married, unfortunately, 50% would be all you could legally be entitled to, as long as your name is on the deeds. Any more would be down to your ex-DP's good will and own sense of responsibility. Not sure what you mean by 'awarded' more, as the only legal process is the house, so there won't be anyone to award you as such, unless you refer to your DP as awarding you. Sadly lots less financial protection - in fact non, by being unmarried, can expect child support, but that would be the only ongoing entitlement.

VinoTime Wed 13-Jul-16 23:59:48

To echo Smorgasboard, as an unmarried couple you have significantly less financial protection in place, OP. If your name is on the house deeds, an equal stake split should be relatively straightforward. You could either sell up and go 50/50 or you could buy him out if you could afford to do that? With regards to the children, he will need to pay maintenance depending on how you split care - though many NRP's don't and would tell you to not to hold your breath. If care is split evenly between you, neither of you would need to pay the other anything.

I think you need a conversation that starts, "I know there's another woman. I don't want to reside in the same house as you anymore."

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