Financial Ducks in a Row

[KatieDesperado]

I am waiting until after DD's prom in a couple of weeks to have the conversation about separation/divorce with H. Reason being mainly his continued prioritising of himself and his love affair with weed.

We have a joint bank account into which my wages, Child Benefit and Tax Credits get paid. He makes small, occasional cash deposits, but keeps most of his wages for himself. He does use his bank card sometimes to make payments for things he buys online.

My wages do not cover our outgoings - a fact he is aware of and chooses to ignore, along with the fact that I find the situation extremely stressful. I have had to use our savings to shore us up (none left now) and we have a perpetual and growing overdraft. Hence the necessity of a divorce before I am swamped by debt and misery.

How do I go about disentangling our finances? If I set up a bank account now in my own name and arrange for my wages to be paid into it, I will need to put all of it straight back into the joint account to cover direct debits going out. He will still be able to use his bank card and accrue more debt.

Ideally, I want a new account with all the direct debits going from that and the old account frozen (I think) - more of a transfer of the old account to a new bank. I would then pay off the overdraft on the old account as and when I could - for eternity . However, I guess any freezing of the bank account would alert him to something being afoot - and, indeed, does he need to agree to this anyway? If yes, I suppose I can't do this until after the dreaded conversation.

[markingthebench]

Sounds like such a difficult situation, and I'm sad that you've had no replies before now because I don't have any words of wisdom to offer

I do understand what it's like to live with someone who has a chronic weed habit.

I do know that you don't need the other account holder's consent to freeze a bank account. All you have to do is tell the bank that you are in dispute.

I understand that you don't want to do anything before your dd's prom, but divorce and financial matters take absolutely ages! It would do you no harm to get a free half hour consultation with a solicitor.

I wish you much luck with this whole process. You seem so strong, but no doubt this is very hard for you.

[KatieDesperado]

Thanks for your reply markingthebench .

I am planning to sort out the solicitor's appointment in the next week. I had hoped to start rearranging my banking this weekend, but it can wait. In the grand scheme of things, it's not so important to get it done now.

Thanks for your kind words of encouragement. I don't feel strong. Generally, I'm very easy going - I now realise too easy going and have tended to accept my husband's behaviour as normal. Since reading through MN's relationships board I understand the phrase "the scales fell from my eyes" - I can't believe what a mug I've been for the last 26 years!

Again, thanks for replying.