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Advice re dickhead DH(13 Posts)
I've been married for 5 years to DH but together on and off for 20.
My DH is a great father mostly, we have three DDs aged 2-9 and he loves them.
Recently I've started a new job and our family life has been a lot more chaotic, I know this can be tough on couples but my DH seems to have taken his frustration out on me to a new level.
I'm naturally a peacemaker and I hate confrontation but my DH has controlling tendencies and I have to stand up to him every so often which I dread.
This morning is the most recent incident in a long series. We were at my parents house for brunch which I was in preparing with my sister. It's a pretty laid back affair with kids coming in and out.
Anyway I was s bit slow with the toast so brought it in and handed it round, giving some to my DF and then my DH holds a hand to my face when I asked him if he wanted toast and said "Talking!" To indicate he was talking to my BiL and that I shouldn't interrupt. I was so annoyed with him that I dropped the plate of toast on the table and walked out.
He then left in a huff because he felt I'd overreacted. When I finally came home this evening, he apologised but felt my reaction had been way over the top. He later said when I asked him if he'd ever do that again, "Probably".
It all sound so childish now but I'm still incredibly hurt at this latest incident. I don't know what to do. What next?
What an utter TWAT!
I would NOT take that. What must your family think of him?
I really think that in your shoes, given that he feels your reaction was over the top, that I would consider leaving him.
Humiliating your wife in public is not something a good man does.You don't want your DDs thinking this is a normal relationship...
You asked what to do next....ok...so, seek legal advice immediately. Have you got joint bank accounts?
He is a dickhead who doesn't respect you.
I wouldn't want a git who thinks that kind of behaviour is acceptable to have any part in the lives of any DDs of mine.
He's lucky he didn't end up wearing the fucking toast.
Pack his bags, point at the door and when he starts to ask what's going on, put a hand up to his face and shout, "LEAVING".
You acted with grace and dignity he on the other hand is a dick tell him that and tell him you are seriously considering if you want the relationship to carry on.
Thank you so much for your swift replies. He doesn't think he has done anything wrong. He has always been a difficult man but most of the time we have been happy.
I would have been happy with a wholehearted apology but I didn't get that. The thing that really hurt was his saying "probably". He was being honest. He will be a dickhead again,. He won't try not to be.
When I confronted him he just came out with a series of accusations of things I do wrong, i.e. Working too late, not enough sex, not being present enough.
I'll be honest, I'm not a perfect wife, I can be acerbic and I'm not alway "present". We have split before, but not since the girls were born.
I don't want to split. But I'm not sure how to make him see (or care) how hurt I am.
Also we are not young. We're both late forties. A bit embarrassing really, at my age to be here, in this situation....
This is not about being a perfect wife this is about an extremely unpleasant, disrespectful incident perpetrated by him. Any attempt to turn the blame to you is just compounding the error. You are not a servant or a child (not that it's acceptable to be rude to either).
He doesn't want to see. He doesn't care.
And choosing to stay with a dickhead is going to do immense emotional damage to your daughters who are going to take their model of what to expect from relationships from this utterly fucked-up travesty and will end up miserable if you don't develop the self-respect to refuse to take it any more.
Down, your story sounds similar to my DH. It's like because running a stressful business gives him the right to be a total arse at home (and with other people).
Also Totally anti-social and awkward to the point of rudeness round other people; I find it hideously painful.
We're also mid 40's and been together 25 years.
No words of advice but I feel your pain
Leaving in a huff was the overreaction. Mind you, if my DH had ever done something as pompous as that I would probably have fallen around laughing at him.
This is my soon to be ex husband to a tee!
It's only a matter of time! Get shot but be prepared for tears and declarations of love when he realises you are serious!
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