Horrible history. Abusive ex for 10 years. Daughter born, he continued, harming both of us. Final separation. I initiated negotiation re contact. He breached it by harming my daughter. Then matter went to court. He won - he had solicitor, consultant and barrister against me as Litigant in Person. Court process continued, I defended myself - lost some, won some, but then lost - his legal team kept keeping out my evidence and then used clever legalise. Anyway, now, I'm in an awful position. He is wealthy, I am not. He's using his wealth to continue control over me, as well as abuse - but so difficult to 'document' as there is only him, me, and dd as witnesses.
So, here's my question. I know that if I went 'back' to him, all this awfulness would stop. But he would be 'winner' and would continue his 'control' with this 'victory'. I don't want to be part of this, but the more I stand up for myself, the more I get pummelled.
(He used to shove me to the ground, twist my right arm around me, sit on me and spit on me - normal Friday night sadly) and I feel as if this is still happening metaphorically via the court process.
I'm out of energy. I want my life back. I want to be free. But the only way I can be free of this legal madness is if I am nice to him.
Do I mediate and get a solution to end legal madness (he has outgunned me) or do I stand my ground and continue the legal battle knowing that I have no hope as I am a Litigant in Person with no resources for legal counsel? All CAB / Rights of Women / Women's Aid advice and help bolster my perspective, but courts bolster his.
What do I do? Still stand up and lose my life, or lie down and let him spit on me so that at least I get a semblance of independence back?
Any thoughts?
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Divorce/separation
Should I mediate with a controlling abuser?
12 replies
maybelemonade · 27/05/2016 19:23
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