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STBXH -- advice please

(11 Posts)
FrazzleRock Mon 23-May-16 14:19:54

Hi there,

I have three of questions regarding what on earth to do about STBXH

1. Been trying to divorce since February this year. We've been separated 6 years and both very happy to get this sorted out at last. I sent the petition off in February and an acknowledgement of service was sent to him. I heard nothing so a couple of months later I called the court and asked what was going on. They said they'd not had the AoS back from him so offered to send another, so they did on 22nd April. They also sent me confirmation they'd done so.
STBXH is still adamant he's not received anything despite me double checking with the court that they have the right address. DO I ask them to send yet another? Or do I go to the next step of paying a bailiff to personally serve the AoS? This is going to cost me £115 which I can't really afford. Besides, if I do go down this route, how do I even know STBXH will be at home to receive it?
What would you do?

2. STBXH is continually unreliable regarding maintenance and contact with our DC. He still owes us money from April and now is late with May's payment. He also owes a fair amount from odd months here and there in the past that he's not paid. This is causing me to become heavily overdrawn just to get by each month. His excuse is he simply does not have it as he is self employed and has not been paid yet, but he has sent invoices (same excuse but still no money to be seen). He keeps saying the DC are his first priority. I am in the process of selling our joint property so I know I'll get a bulk of cash from him then, but our completion date keeps getting pushed back and I cannot carry on without money from him.

3. His is supposed to have the DC every other weekend. On Friday he ignored my texts asking what time the DC will be picked up. His moher offered to have them on Saturday for the day (as I'm ill with mumps!) seeing as no one could get hold of the STBXH.
He eventually messaged me Saturday lunchtime saying he left his phone at the hospital on Thursday but could pick them up now. This is very typical of him. He's left the DC wondering were on earth he is on several occasions. One time DS2 waited outside our house on the wall for 2 hours. He didn't show up sad. I'm really tempted to refuse contact until he can get his arse into gear and 1. pay us, and 2. be there as arranged for his children. But this would be unfair for the DC. Although DS1 would rather not go tbh. He rang me up in tears on Sat night asking to come home.

Does anyone have any wise words that will help?

Newbrummie Mon 23-May-16 17:39:36

Go to court and formalise things and call the CSA. Don't bother with solicitors and if you are on a low income the court fees are waved. I've hated every minute of the process but at least it is all documented and come friday it should all in theory at least be over for me. After 3 bloody years !

FrazzleRock Tue 24-May-16 08:49:07

Thanks for your response newbrummie and good luck for Friday! I have a solicitor who is dealing with the finance side of the divorce, but I thought the actualy divorce would be easy, or so our solicitor said.

How do I go to court over this though. I have no idea how any of this works really. Do I just call the court up and say I want to formalise things? Is the CSA any good? I've read nothing but bad things. Am I more likely to get money that way? Or is it added stress?

To add fire to the flames, I'm lying in bed with the mumps and heard a knock at the door, it was an enforcement agent ffs!! I gave the guy STBXH's correct address (he half owns my flat, but lives with his parents). If my DP finds out about this he will go beserk. We're in the process of moving and about a week away from completion. I'm now worried our mortgage company will find out about this connection and take our offer away. Would they do that?

OrangesandLemonsNow Tue 24-May-16 08:54:35

You may have trouble with CSA if he is self employed.

CoolforKittyCats Tue 24-May-16 08:55:11

What was the enforcement agency for?

FrazzleRock Tue 24-May-16 09:14:23

That's what I thought oranges I can't see him declaring all of his earnings.

EA was for TFL. Says Red Route on the document the guy handed to me.

STBXH gets fines sent to my address almost daily. I used to hand them to him when he picked the children up, but the past few weeks I have been 'returning to sender' and writing his parents address on the front of each letter. I hoped this would stop the letters now they have his actual address.

I'm just so worried about this having an impact on our mortgage offer. DP, the children, and I are finally moving out and away from the area. Away from him, away from all his shit. Now STBXH is sabotaging it for us sad

I've just text him with a photo of the enforcement notice and said he's going to sabotage our children's future quality of life with this if the mortgage gets pulled. He said he is going to call them.

Pisssssedofff Tue 24-May-16 10:07:47

His credit won't affect yours. The Csa aren't brilliant with self employed but they are better than nothing and the sooner you call them the sooner the money is being calculated, you get nothing from before you call them but they never loose the debt they accrue so you will get it eventually even if it's in 10 years. At the moment you're getting nothing ever, so give them a call. Have a look on the government website, all the forms you need are on there to get it to court, formalise it then draw a line under everything once and for all.

FrazzleRock Tue 24-May-16 12:51:25

I really hope not. I've told DP and he's furious. He thinks it could affect our mortgage offer.
I will call the CMS (they took over CSA, right?) and see what they suggest.

Thank you.

Pisssssedofff Tue 24-May-16 12:59:07

It won't affect it I promise you, your name, your credit. Give em a call, better than nothing

aginghippy Tue 24-May-16 13:29:19

Does the enforcement notice say which court made the judgment against him? Rather than relying on him phoning someone, you would be better off contacting the court yourself and giving them his correct address. I have done this in the past and it worked.

FrazzleRock Tue 24-May-16 15:55:48

It's from Judicial Services Group. I gave the agent his address so they should go and bother him there. Perhaps I will call the number at the top of the notice too, to make sure.

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