Sorry in court Friday, dead stressed. Fair or best for the kids ?

[Pisssssedofff]

He keeps crapping on about things needing to be fair. I've been told fairness doesn't come into it it's all about what's best for the children ..... I'm guessing his solicitor is going to try and talk me into a compromise ie what he wants before we go into court like last time. I really don't want to be difficult but I feel like if I move on my position of no over nights I leave myself open to being used as unpaid childminder when he "can't have them" due to work, rather than the way I look at is he can't work as he's got his kids !

[Fourormore]

You have a CAFCASS report that says no overnight. You're well within your rights to stick to that.

[Pisssssedofff]

I'm trying not be an Arse but yeah that's my point entirely I can't go against cafcass when he imitated all this, he knows he's lost hence sending compromise documents.

[Fourormore]

Why does sticking to the CAFCASS recommendation make you an arse?

[Pisssssedofff]

It's not what he wants is it

[Fourormore]

No but none of this should be about what anyone wants. The most important thing is the children's welfare. I would follow the CAFCASS recommendation.

[Pisssssedofff]

Ive spent three years explaining that he can't walk out in them, give them abandonment issues and then because he has to pay me "an extrodiary amount of money", you know the CSA minimum demand to have them more often to reduce that. It's like talking to a brick wall, but hopefully the judge will make it clear this time.

[Fourormore]

I wouldn't even engage with him. I'd keep communication to absolute essentials, nothing more.

[Pisssssedofff]

Once this is all rubber stamped that will be it, I didn't want it to fe this way but clearly that's where we are at

[Homely1]

On what basis has CAFCASS said no overnights?

[Pisssssedofff]

It doesn't matter now anyway he's not pursuing the over night contact

[Homely1]

I see.... I was just interested as mine is and DC young. I thought that overnights was a given as I have been told that there is no real reason why he would not get it and what he has done/ age of child is not a consideration

[Pisssssedofff]

Not a given at all, mine hadn't had contact for 18 months and has nowhere suitable to take them

[Homely1]

Oh I see... Mine disappeared too. He has a home but I am still being told that a court will give him overnight,

[Fourormore]

That is what usually happens, Homely, as has been repeatedly explained to you. Pisssssed's situation is very different to yours.

[Pisssssedofff]

Listen I was told to roll over and give him wanted repeatedly and I haven't I've fought it every time in two countries and he's given up. Yours will too if you keep going. Fuck bring reasonable the judge doesn't give you a nice badge for being a good girl, the only losers are the kids so you make sure you fight their corner

[Fourormore]

Careful, Pissssssed, that's not the best advice. If Homely refuses and is found to be unreasonable, she could end up in a difficult position. Your ex might have given up but others wouldn't. My DH's exW has taken your approach (but with unfounded allegations) and is now facing loss of residence.

[Pisssssedofff]

It's a gamble I was happy to take, they run out of money and steam eventually.

[Pisssssedofff]

Lies obviously aren't the way but anything else is fair game, if you have to fight dirty to be able to look yourself in the mirror and say you did the right thing for yourself and your kids then so be it, without breaking the law obviously - although my ex lied in court - then admitted he lied - nobody cared, it didn't go against him for doing so.

[Pisssssedofff]

Just so you know. He was not awarded overnight contact indefinitely with hotel rooms. Not quite ordered to get a house but told if he didn't I could bring it back to court to stop overnight contact after 8 weeks. So that seems pretty clear.

[Fourormore]

You've already said the hotel thing wasn't what was being proposed.
So he was given overnights but told to find suitable accommodation within the short term? Against CAFCASS's recommendation?

[Pisssssedofff]

Worst than that ..... He was told the old peoples home is fine for two months, but no there's a prescient isn't there?

[Pisssssedofff]

Now

[Fourormore]

Not sure what you mean by that. If the judge has said you can take it back to court if he hasn't found suitable accommodation after 8 weeks then it seems clear that the old people's home is not intended as a long term solution.
So you've got some child free nights and he's been told he has to sort his home situation out - isn't that what you wanted?

[Pisssssedofff]

Exactly .... I'm wining either way