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Sorry in court Friday, dead stressed. Fair or best for the kids ?

(25 Posts)
Pisssssedofff Mon 23-May-16 10:07:30

He keeps crapping on about things needing to be fair. I've been told fairness doesn't come into it it's all about what's best for the children ..... I'm guessing his solicitor is going to try and talk me into a compromise ie what he wants before we go into court like last time. I really don't want to be difficult but I feel like if I move on my position of no over nights I leave myself open to being used as unpaid childminder when he "can't have them" due to work, rather than the way I look at is he can't work as he's got his kids !

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Fourormore Mon 23-May-16 11:08:27

You have a CAFCASS report that says no overnight. You're well within your rights to stick to that.

Pisssssedofff Mon 23-May-16 11:32:43

I'm trying not be an Arse but yeah that's my point entirely I can't go against cafcass when he imitated all this, he knows he's lost hence sending compromise documents.

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Fourormore Mon 23-May-16 12:58:06

Why does sticking to the CAFCASS recommendation make you an arse?

Pisssssedofff Mon 23-May-16 13:19:41

It's not what he wants is it

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Fourormore Mon 23-May-16 13:20:50

No but none of this should be about what anyone wants. The most important thing is the children's welfare. I would follow the CAFCASS recommendation.

Pisssssedofff Mon 23-May-16 13:29:56

Ive spent three years explaining that he can't walk out in them, give them abandonment issues and then because he has to pay me "an extrodiary amount of money", you know the CSA minimum demand to have them more often to reduce that. It's like talking to a brick wall, but hopefully the judge will make it clear this time.

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Fourormore Mon 23-May-16 13:35:43

I wouldn't even engage with him. I'd keep communication to absolute essentials, nothing more.

Pisssssedofff Mon 23-May-16 13:41:23

Once this is all rubber stamped that will be it, I didn't want it to fe this way but clearly that's where we are at

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Homely1 Mon 23-May-16 23:12:42

On what basis has CAFCASS said no overnights?

Pisssssedofff Mon 23-May-16 23:26:20

It doesn't matter now anyway he's not pursuing the over night contact

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Homely1 Tue 24-May-16 05:28:57

I see.... I was just interested as mine is and DC young. I thought that overnights was a given as I have been told that there is no real reason why he would not get it and what he has done/ age of child is not a consideration

Pisssssedofff Tue 24-May-16 07:14:37

Not a given at all, mine hadn't had contact for 18 months and has nowhere suitable to take them

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Homely1 Tue 24-May-16 18:11:27

Oh I see... Mine disappeared too. He has a home but I am still being told that a court will give him overnight,

Fourormore Tue 24-May-16 18:16:04

That is what usually happens, Homely, as has been repeatedly explained to you. Pisssssed's situation is very different to yours.

Pisssssedofff Tue 24-May-16 20:46:22

Listen I was told to roll over and give him wanted repeatedly and I haven't I've fought it every time in two countries and he's given up. Yours will too if you keep going. Fuck bring reasonable the judge doesn't give you a nice badge for being a good girl, the only losers are the kids so you make sure you fight their corner

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Fourormore Tue 24-May-16 20:54:00

Careful, Pissssssed, that's not the best advice. If Homely refuses and is found to be unreasonable, she could end up in a difficult position. Your ex might have given up but others wouldn't. My DH's exW has taken your approach (but with unfounded allegations) and is now facing loss of residence.

Pisssssedofff Tue 24-May-16 21:09:18

It's a gamble I was happy to take, they run out of money and steam eventually.

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Pisssssedofff Tue 24-May-16 21:11:43

Lies obviously aren't the way but anything else is fair game, if you have to fight dirty to be able to look yourself in the mirror and say you did the right thing for yourself and your kids then so be it, without breaking the law obviously - although my ex lied in court - then admitted he lied - nobody cared, it didn't go against him for doing so.

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Pisssssedofff Fri 27-May-16 13:19:32

Just so you know. He was not awarded overnight contact indefinitely with hotel rooms. Not quite ordered to get a house but told if he didn't I could bring it back to court to stop overnight contact after 8 weeks. So that seems pretty clear.

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Fourormore Sat 28-May-16 08:18:01

You've already said the hotel thing wasn't what was being proposed.
So he was given overnights but told to find suitable accommodation within the short term? Against CAFCASS's recommendation?

Pisssssedofff Sat 28-May-16 10:26:10

Worst than that ..... He was told the old peoples home is fine for two months, but no there's a prescient isn't there?

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Pisssssedofff Sat 28-May-16 10:26:22


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Fourormore Sat 28-May-16 11:07:55

Not sure what you mean by that. If the judge has said you can take it back to court if he hasn't found suitable accommodation after 8 weeks then it seems clear that the old people's home is not intended as a long term solution.
So you've got some child free nights and he's been told he has to sort his home situation out - isn't that what you wanted?

Pisssssedofff Sat 28-May-16 15:12:01

Exactly .... I'm wining either way

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