Advanced search

Should the 'separation' be made legal?

(4 Posts)
HarHer Fri 20-May-16 06:37:59


My family separated in June due to some complicated child protection issues. My husband lives with our youngest son and I live with our eldest. It has been a difficult year but, we now live in the same small town and 'co-parent' the children (boys of 15 and 17).

I had assumed that once the child protection issues had been resolved, we may reunite as a family. The issues surrounded my husband's inability to cope with stress and his consequent behaviour towards the boys and my youngest son's behaviour with his older (autistic) brother.

Yet, it looks like reunification is not likely to happen in the near future. My husband is still finding it difficult to cope with stress. He will scream at me or at the children (usually the youngest) and he has threatened to crash the car and kill us all on more than one occasion. He has Asperger syndrome and mental health difficulties and he is receiving support from Adult Mental health Services. He is also not fully taking responsibility for his life. For example, I gave him half the lump sum of my professional pension so that he could set up his business, but he has spent it on a series of old cars, and he is supposed to look after our youngest son, but he drops him off at my house early in the morning, and picks him up late in the evening every day. Sometimes, he will come during the afternoon and take us shopping (I do not drive, the boys cannot be left together unsupervised and they will not go into shops) but he complains about the way we 'use' him.

However, I do not want to vilify my husband. He just cannot cope. My problem is that I realise the family reunification is not realistic at the moment. My eldest son has told me that he does not want to live with his Dad and brother because it would be too stressful. He does like to see them. My youngest, however, wants us all to live together and I wish my youngest could live with his brother and me.

I may not be thinking rationally, the situation is difficult, however, I wondered whether a legal separation might help in this situation. Everything is so loose and illogical under the current arrangements, yet I am afraid that if a separation occurred, my youngest would not see me so often and this may result in his father being even less able to cope.

Pisssssedofff Mon 23-May-16 13:31:33

Will it help anyone in the short, medium or long term ?

HarHer Mon 23-May-16 13:50:01

Hello Pissssedoff,

Thank you for replying. I think the answer to your question is, I don't know! Everything is mixed up at the moment.

Pisssssedofff Mon 23-May-16 14:04:16

It's so hard when you're in the middle of it all isn't it. If you think long term it's over id say rip the plaster off quick, for various reasons some valid I delayed and it's cost me dearly

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now