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Unreasonable behaviour reasons against me

(24 Posts)
Estimated201 Tue 17-May-16 14:03:19

I left my emotionally and financially abusive ex last August. It was part of the agreement due to the cost of fees for him to process the divorce.

He has now done so.

One of my 'unreasonable' behaviours is that I have formed an improper relationship with another man.

My issue with this is that I didn't leave him for someone else and have met this person since our separation.

Should I be bothered about this?

nailsathome Tue 17-May-16 14:09:32

Mine said similar. I wrote that I didn't agree with him but I wouldn't contest it

Estimated201 Tue 17-May-16 14:11:14

Thanks nailsathome.
Did you put that in the box on the form you returned to the court and that was ok?

nailsathome Tue 17-May-16 14:18:07

Yes I did. Ex didn't like it (they get a copy of what you've written) but I wanted it on record

Estimated201 Tue 17-May-16 14:23:51

How did you know your ex didnt like it? Did he contact you after?

Im not in contact with mine, so I dont care what he thinks so long as it doesnt delay the divorce.

Estimated201 Tue 17-May-16 15:11:19

If you dont mind me asking, did your ex put that down for yours because he was bitter that you were dating someone else or was he speculating?

I am not too sure which way around mine is thinking

Fourormore Tue 17-May-16 15:15:53

I wouldn't be bothered about it. You have formed a relationship that is "improper" for a married couple. My ex did the same to me even though he was the one who had an affair! Anything that gets you divorced quicker is good in my book!

wasonthelist Tue 17-May-16 15:21:25

This stuff doesn't go anywhere so I wouldn't be worried. I know it seems like a personal slight, but it isn't. My wife divorced me for adultery (true and I am not proud of it), but what isn't stated is that she only waited 18 months into our marriage before she committed adultery, while it took me 8 years. When it's over, it's over, time to move on.

Minime85 Tue 17-May-16 20:20:48

No don't be bothered you are getting divorced which is what you want. No one ever asks you about these again or sees them unless you show anyone

SandyY2K Wed 18-May-16 16:26:22

Challenge it.
Otherwise you are down as a cheater effectively.

thelonggame Wed 18-May-16 19:33:00

it doesn't make the slightest bit off difference really, no-one sees it anyway.
Just return the form and get on with your divorce as soon as you can.

Minime85 Wed 18-May-16 19:44:54

Sooner you return it, sooner you can get on with your new life.

Savagebeauty Wed 18-May-16 19:47:29

It's all aoad of bollocks anyway.
Bet the judge has a good eye roll at them.

SandyY2K Wed 18-May-16 23:46:55

It's a matter of integrity.
Why have a lie on a legal document.

These things can come back on you. It's a public records document.

Minime85 Thu 19-May-16 06:32:34

They don't come back on you at all. If he didn't put unreasonable behaviour it would be adultury, which I can understand being annoyed about but even that doesn't affect anything. When you meet people you don't say oh yes I was divorced for unreasonable behaviour, it is just I'm divorced. If it wasn't this you'd have to wait two years before even filing. The OP could have filed herself for unreasonable behaviour then you have some control over the content and then have asked him for fees back on the forms which you can do.
OP can still have he moral high ground knowing what he was like. Just let him crack on.

thelonggame Fri 20-May-16 06:22:09

Sandy - Family Court isn't public record. It can be reported that a divorce has taken place and the reason - ie adultery, unreasonable behaviour etc but WHAT the behaviour was is not public.
No one apart from the judge and involved legal proffessionals ever know unless you chose to tell them.

Dangerouswoman Fri 20-May-16 06:26:30

My exh did the same to me. If you meet someone while you are separated you are technically committing adultery as you are still legally married. Looking back I wish I had done the same to him as he met someone before I did! At the time I just thought, leave it but now it bugs me.

Mooey89 Fri 20-May-16 06:41:33

My solicitor told me that the 'adultery' has to be the reason for separating - can't be after the effect.

lifeisunjust Fri 20-May-16 07:02:47

You've admitted you're committing adultery and you're not being divorced for it, only down as unreasonable behaviour. I cannot see why you would object as you've admitted it is the truth.

CuntingDMjournos Fri 20-May-16 07:18:15

sandy as above its private and what he puts on the petition is a record of what he says not what the court has found to be true.
In the acknowledgement form Op as suggested above, in the answer to the question "do you intend to defend the divorce" say no, but I do not accept the particulars as true
The divorce will go through then

wasonthelist Fri 20-May-16 15:06:42

There are some funny ideas on here. I know it seems important at the time, but it really isn't. If Courts had to check all gronds for divorce were true, amost no-one would ever get divorced.

SandyY2K Fri 20-May-16 21:39:11

Thanks. I just still wouldn't want that down after his emotional and financial abuse, which I consider unreasonable behaviour.

lifeisunjust Fri 20-May-16 23:39:51

Your husband has stated the truth on your own admission.
Imagine how it feels for women and men who read complete lies on divorce petitions against them? There is absolutely nothing any of them can do. Contested divorces are a handful in a year out of 100,000s, so those who have lies written about them have no right to reply. I would allow the truth to remain and let it rest. If you wish to divorce, then the best action to take is to accept it and move on. No-one is going to read it anyway other than a handful of people who work in court and these people know a huge percentage of petitions are nothing but lies.

dulcefarniente Sun 29-May-16 08:28:52

When I filled in the grounds for xh's unreasonable behaviour (all true and admitted by him verbally before divorce proceedings) some of them included precise dates (e.g. when he stopped sleeping with me). On the paperwork he said that he didn't do any of it but it wasn't challenged by the court. It was important to him not to admit it even though it wouldn't been seen by anyone unless he showed it to them even though anyone with half a brain would see that the grounds were obviously factual.

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