Partner of 8 years left me and our two children

[Kelly214]

Hi I am in serious need of advice. My partner walked out on me 4 weeks ago telling me he needed time to sort his head out and was feeling low. I accepted that and tried my hardest to let him know how much I love him and I want to work on things. 3 days ago out of the blue after I thought we were getting somewhere with him telling me he loves and misses me, he says that there is no going back for him. I'm heartbroken how can someone lead you on like that and then just end it so easily. I just feel scared at what my future holds without him and whether I'm going to cope as a single mum and will I afford to support my children. We are in a private rented property, will I be kicked out? I've had to explain to my children who are 3 and 5 and they have took it really really hard. He came round the day after dumping me to see the kids and he's never looked happier. How can someone move on so fast after 8 years together like I was nothing. Yet I'm struggling to hold my tears back most of the time. Can he really not care about me and just leave me so easily. I just need some advice please because I have no family other than my children and I feel alone and stuck in a rut right now and I don't know how I'm going to get out.

[Ifyoubuildit]

My friend was in your position two years ago. Her husband left, there were children the same age as yours, he blamed her for being a nag and moved in with a young woman he'd met at work (they'd clearly been having an affair).

She found it hard at first but is now doing so well. Her confidence is soaring, which has come from her new-found independence. She's doing things she never dreamed she'd do. It's completely transformed her.

Take each hour as it comes, tick them off, IT WILL GET BETTER. It really will. Until then stay here and get lots of support.

[Kelly214]

Thank you for replying so fast. I'm trying my hardest to stay strong for my children but I feel like I've let them down. I just wanted a family of my own after losing my parents and it's all just gone so quickly. We were engaged to be married and even spoke about it not so long ago. I am just scared of the future right now and I'm just being left to get everything sorted whilst he's at his mums house without a care in the world. Should I give up hope of him ever returning or may he realise that what we had was too much to lose. I never saw this coming and we were so strong which is why I think I'm taking it so hard.

[Ifyoubuildit]

I think you'd be better posting on the relationships thread. It's far busier and there are lots of people who have been through the same thing and can help.

You're not letting your children down, please don't think like that. They have a loving family and that's all they need.

I think you need to move on from him. Even if he does come back, do you want to be living in fear that he'll leave again? You deserve someone better than him.

Have you got someone to talk to in real life?

Please post in relationships, there are some lovely, experienced people on there who can help.

[Lonecatwithkitten]

You have not let your children down, if anyone has it is your partner.
Very practical stuff find out how much maintenance your are entitled to get him to set up standing order so it just comes to your bank account. If he is at all slippery go through CMS. Find out if and what benefits you maybe entitled to. If you had a joint account get your bank account for this ensure your child benefit is paid there. You say partner, but if you were married get legal advice paying something now could save you thousands down the line.
The emotional stuff don't be surprised if there is another woman mentally prepare yourself for that. Be kind to yourself if your children are clean, warm, fed and loved they have everything they need the fact that house is untidy is unimportant. Confide in friends so you get some kind of emotional support. Allow yourself to have times where you are sad and you do grieve for your relationship.
All of us have been in the how will I could phase. You do because your children need you to it is muddling through, but you do manage.
Post in relationships some of the advice will be fairly blunt, but it is kindly meant. Most of the posters have separated themselves and can see 'the script' men go through.
Have some and some and take care of yourself.

[SandyY2K]

Speak to him about child support formally and sort out visitation with the kids. Don't have him popping in when he wants to.

Do not beg or plead or profess your love for him.

From now on.. focus on the kids and seek legal advice regarding child support.
He was planning this for a while.