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Has anyone successfully continued to co-habit after separation?

(14 Posts)
BananagramQueen Thu 12-May-16 17:32:51

I am on the verge of separating from my DH (my decision) and am trying to work out in my head how things will work at home.

We have two DC's under 10 and DH is a great father, sharing all parental and household duties. We actually get on fine as friends but it's like living with a flatmate. We've essentially lived separate lives for the past couple of years (different sets of friends and social lives, different interests, different TV watching habits etc.) We're rarely intimate in any way. So the only difference as I can see it would be that he or I would move out - but does it have to be like that?

We have a 4th bedroom and I would happily move into it. We would both benefit from seeing kids all the time, as would they from living with both of us. We wouldn't have the additional financial pressure of renting a flat and everything else would be pretty much the same.

Am I just being an optimist and unrealistic or has this actually worked for anyone?

MarkRuffaloCrumble Thu 12-May-16 18:11:30

Sounds like it will work fine until one of you meets someone else.

I found it really hard while XH was still here when we had decided to go our separate ways. It was like I wanted to move on but he was still here and I was in limbo.

For me, part of the separation was about finding my own way, getting my confidence back and then meeting somebody new.

If you and your H get on fine and you don't have any issues sharing your space at the moment then I guess it could work, but it will be confusing for the DCs and will also have a knock on effect if you are trying to separate finances etc as it will appear as if you still live together.

Minime85 Fri 13-May-16 06:24:30

You can but try I guess. Does DH feel the same as you? Whilst I accepted exh and our relationship wasn't working I was willing to try and make it work but he didn't try so I resented that. We planned to keep it under raps for 6 weeks until Xmas but I couldn't stand it after a week. We had no spare room though. What about when you both meet someone else?

Malina22 Fri 13-May-16 09:10:38

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MrsBlimey Fri 13-May-16 09:12:27

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Pisssssedofff Sat 14-May-16 22:24:14

Jesus no, I had to do it for 10 months and I nearly killed him. The police were called twice, it was horrific

Strawberryjam34 Wed 18-May-16 23:09:10

I am currently doing this, it's only be two weeks and it's like hell on earth! It is unsustainable to be honest and someone is going to be sectioned or arrested pretty soon! Not something I would recommend - but perhaps your husband is not a twat!

jubileepancakes Sat 21-May-16 22:15:25

No, sorry. 9 months in and it's hell on earth. I feel like I'm on the verge of some sort of breakdown now.

BatshitCrazyWoman Sun 22-May-16 15:47:59

Couple of years here, my advice would be don't do it if there is any alternative (there isn't for me).

tic73 Mon 23-May-16 00:41:03

Been doing since January until house sold and thought could be amicable. He started dating and although split was my choice it totally gutted me.
If you don't mind me saying it sounds like you get on well etc. I think you may surprise yourself with your feelings if he goes out on a date. Xx

tic73 Mon 23-May-16 00:42:29

My sympathys to all those above going through a tough living arrangement with ex. Feel your pain!

HowBadIsThisPlease Fri 27-May-16 23:09:10

I'm living with exP while we prepare to separate and it is not comfortable. However it is weirdly less uncomfortable than before when we were supposedly together, but not getting on. However, I think that is because we are relieved by the knowledge that this situation is temporary.

It sounds as if you have a reasonable amount of goodwill left between you and my suggestion would be: don't squander it on trying to live together when it is likely to end in tears. You're going to be co-parents for ever, so set things up so that you can be on good terms for ever.

Malamutes Sat 28-May-16 07:48:18

Living with STBXH and need him to move out ASAP. Trying so hard to be friends but he is incredibly selfish and has moved on super quick, in two weeks he has managed to fit in 7 dates and didn't come home last night which wouldn't be an issue but we have young children who are unaware that he is dating. Hate having to lie for him, even now after we have been separated for 10 months he is still lying about stuff.

Separate bedrooms thankfully as I can't bear the thought of him anywhere near me. He's moving out in summer, having to gather about 3200 pounds for one months rent and deposit, not easy.

It is difficult......huge understatement! Good luck!

tic73 Wed 01-Jun-16 01:07:34

Mines just crept in at 1am after meeting his latest Tinder conquest! Also moving out in summer!
Can't come soon enough. Will no doubt have the declarations of how he still loves me in the morning!

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