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Feeling sad at lack of contact from friends post seperation

(7 Posts)
Estimated201 Tue 26-Apr-16 15:51:38

I left abusive exh last august.

Since then I have 2 amazing friends who I can count on and who have been a massive help and keep me positive.

I am definitely grateful of that.

I am sad at lack of contact from other lifelong friends.

3 in particular who were my bridesmaids and I have known since school. They have made near to zero contact with me since.
I have contacted them a few times since the new year and apart from brief replies to messages, I haven't seen any of them.

One thing that I worry about is that they were the few people that thought exh was a nice man and didn't do anything wrong. It was a big shock to those people that I left, and thats a little sad too maybe.

I dont know if I should keep trying. I moved from my parents house a month ago and told them, but I have heard nothing back from that either.

Should I just accept it and move on?

JemimaHighway Tue 26-Apr-16 17:14:06

Hi. Well done for leaving an abusive ex. I'm sorry some friends seem to have let you down. Are these very important friends of yours? If so, then you could invite them round for tea and cake and tell them how you feel. If they don't accept or continual cancel then you have your answer - they aren't worth it.

My mum and dad split up when I was 16. She left him for numerous affairs. She felt very let down that most couples sided with him as they thought at he was such a great guy. He was a great guy, just wasn't a great husband!

Sadly, people often take sides when couples split. I think you really need to concentrate on this that have stuck by you. They are the real friends. Also, reach out and try to make new friends. Mums at the school gates. Take up a hobby. Go to Mumsnet meet ups.

Good luck.

Minime85 Tue 26-Apr-16 17:49:18

So sorry to hear people are treating you in this way. I think people think it might be catching and when we separate from our husbands it maybe suggests to them it is closer to home than they like to admit. Also I found that people thought I would suddenly pounce on their husbands! Both are huge insults but don't say anything about you. More about them and society's insecurities.

On the flip side life is very busy for most people it could be that and they feel embarrassed as they don't know what to say.

I too had two brilliant friends who were the only ones who kept that contact going and checked on we whilst others i see less often. I think you've made an effort and maybe it is time to say as sad as it is they were friends for that part of your life but not those life long ones. flowers

Natasha985 Fri 29-Apr-16 20:16:19

Move on; you know who your real friends are now; friendship should be both ways

awana Tue 10-May-16 16:26:37

Hi, I have a similar story to you, and left my abusive ex who everyone thought was wonderful. I was very sad to lose so many friendships, and I also lost my family in the fall out.

However, along the way I met a whole load of new people who understood what I went through and are closer to me now than some of my old friends and even my family. It's awful to go through that extra loss of friendships when you separate with someone but you will meet other people in the future who would like to be part of your life.

Please give your old friends another chance but if they still do not contact you, it might be best to move on. In my case, I have new friends that I am going on holiday with this summer. Our families are really close and it's a great support to my son and I!

loveyoumummy Wed 11-May-16 07:41:16

I'm sorry you are going through this and your friends aren't there for you.

I too had this, however mine was due to his affair. The day I found out my world turned upside down and the
Day I realised that you can't count on anyone but yourself. Not ONE friend was there for me the day I found out.

I'm now years down the line and whilst I remain friends with them still, I feel resentful.

So, sorry no advice, just wanted to say that you're not alone.

Malina22 Fri 13-May-16 09:23:19

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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