Some guidance - im in a dark place

(6 Posts)
justmeandhimnow Tue 19-Apr-16 09:36:24

Hi all,

I have read several posts on here and some people share similar situations to me.

I won't go into a huge a mount of detail, but my partner of 7 years has recently told me she is not in love with anymore. We have a beautiful boy aged 3.5yrs and he is my world.

I have asked the cause and she said she didnt know and that she just didnt feel that way anymore. she has made the odd comment about how i could help clean more and i have asked if it is that, and she has said no - i have begged, been defensive and now im just empty , i really dont know what to do.

I know have been a bit over protective here and there, i have admitted that to her and apologised

I supported us financially by myself for 2.5 years and she stayed at home, i gave her money etc to go out so she didnt feel trapped.

My biggest issue, and one that makes me cry as i write this, is the future for my son. I have the normal ill feelings at the thought of my partner being with someone else.. but having that person in my sons life - its destroying me.

I know that this is highly likely to happen at some point, if it was soon - im not sure i could cope. im so scared my son will hate me, and think i left him - and in the future grow closer to his step dad than me

im sure others of you have been through this - i just wondered how you managed to cope and not cry every time you held your child

CommonBurdock Tue 19-Apr-16 11:17:39

Hi OP.

It sounds really horrible for you. But you will get through it and your son will be fine. He knows his dad loves him and is there for him. That counts for such a lot.

Is there someone in RL you can talk to? Counsellor maybe?

Just remember you're his parent and nobody can take that away from you.

amievil Tue 19-Apr-16 12:36:51

Hi op,

I can't offer too much advice at the moment. All I can say is that my situation is almost identical and that letting your friends in does help.

We can get through this together.

chicka Tue 24-May-16 21:29:02

Hi
How are you getting on? I'm in the same boat, unfortunately, my husband has left me and my 2 girls (6 years old and 8 months old). I feel empty and lonely and numb. Didn't see it coming at all (we've been together 22 years).
Life can be a real shit sometimes cant it?
xx

Minime85 Wed 25-May-16 06:46:50

Hi op. I am so sorry to hear this. You will always be your son's dad. No one can change that. It's very very new and early days and your emotions show how much you care. As time goes on you will be able to hopefully set up a regular routine to see your son, is there any reason why you can't do 50-50?

There will possibly be a step dad but equally you will in time get a new partner too. My DP and I made sure my dcs knew their dad wasn't being replaced. Ex left me and kids don't always understand but you tell them what they need to know. I don't think they are daft and as he gets older see the truth.

Try not to think too far ahead at the moment. You will be ok

tic73 Wed 25-May-16 21:55:07

I ended my marriage last year and it broke my heart to see my ex husband also go through what you are. The thought of another person in your sons life is soul destroying. I've also had my demons with this being a mum. The only advice I can give is that every step needs the time to get your head around it. It does get easier. I'm sorry you are going through this. Hopefully things could improve. Have you suggested Relate?
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