Don't know where to start!!

(7 Posts)
RokChik Mon 18-Apr-16 17:59:05

I've been married to my husband for 15 years. We have 2 young children, aged 11 and 6. I haven't been happy for many years and we don't really have a marriage. We just share a house and the children. We are financially co-dependant which makes things difficult. I feel very guilty about asking for a separation because I feel im punishing him for something that isn't his fault and he feels very bitter (understandably) which has made his behaviour towards me over recent months quite difficult to deal with. Our eldest child is sitting her Sats next month and we had agreed to not say anything until after that as she's already quite stressed. At this point I'm looking for advice. My husband is pretending this isn't happening. I know he won't take any steps to move things along and I need to know where to start as I haven't a clue. I don't have anyone I can talk to with experience of this situation so was hoping someone here could help?

CommonBurdock Mon 18-Apr-16 19:12:23

Hello. I think you might get more of a response on the Relationships board.

Are you 100% sure about what you want? Have you tried counselling or do you want to?

RokChik Mon 18-Apr-16 19:21:40

I didn't know where to post it so I posted it in legal as well!! I'm only just figuring out the mums net app. I had considered counselling and I was willing to give it a go initially but with a view to improving our communication as we have none. I have no interest in staying married. Ultimately I don't love my husband. It's nothing he's done or that he can put right, I just can't relax or be myself around him and I've had enough of sacrificing my happiness. I've only got this one life! What I'm after is where to go from here in terms of other people's experiences. Legally, financially, sharing custody, they type of thing.

CommonBurdock Mon 18-Apr-16 19:42:18

Well every case is different but in my own experience you need to get legal advice before you do anything else. It somehow makes it all a bit clearer and more "real", so you can see the steps ahead. I'd also recommend counselling for you alone, if you can find a good one. It just gives you somewhere to offload so you can get on with the practicalities.

RokChik Mon 18-Apr-16 20:09:25

I hadn't thought about that. It's not a bad idea to get counselling myself. I've been off work ill for a few months and stress has played a big part in that I'm sure. It would be good to talk to somebody impartial.

HoppingForward Mon 18-Apr-16 20:15:04

I found talking to a therapist really helpful, I've started a bit of meditation as well which helps me find a little bit of happiness to cling on to.

I need to get legal help as he is way to controlling and still feels he has a hold over us, which he doesn't but it is how he feels.

I can't be much more help. I'm only a couple of months free myself but it does feel like a weight has been lifted although it's a lot harder than before but at least I've made a positive move to be free.

lousylear Mon 18-Apr-16 22:41:22

You sound just like me! Except I have 3 kids. I've been married 14 yrs. put up with emotional abuse for at least 8. And no physical contact whatsoever for the last 8 years too. I had a free half hour consultation with a solicitor last week. I am going for divorce on grounds of unreasonable behaviour. I'm going to look at a house on Friday as I don't want to stay in family home. And I'm in the process of applying for tax credits to supplement my wages so I can move out asap. I think you're best bet would be a half hour free consultation with a solicitor. Just ring up one local to you and make an appointment. I was dreading seeing my solicitor but she was great and it was very informative. You have to send a cheque for £550 with first form you fill in and send off. I'm doing this next week to start the ball rolling.

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