I didn't think I'd get to this point but I'm getting pretty close and would appreciate any advice that anyone could give me please.
The past 18 months (ish) with DH have been (mainly) shit. Don't get me wrong there have been some good points but more and more I find myself incredibly stressed and unhappy. He has had depression for a long time - it comes in peaks and troughs but has been a constant. He is still classed as employed but has been signed off for the majority of the past year. He is at the stage where he isn't even receiving ssp anymore and I'm struggling to manage finances as I don't earn enough to support our family. I have been very lucky that I have been able to build up some commission in my job but this has now reset, so after this month we are severely screwed.
I have tried to pull DH out of his depression. I have begged, I have cried, I have even shouted. I am tired, I am stressed and I am starting to snap all the time. I have tried to talk to him, to get him to try and find another job...I understand it isn't easy as that but I am desperate. After working all day I have come home to the house being a tip and DH has slept or been on his computer for most of the day. It's infuriating. I broke down a couple of weeks ago and told him that I didn't know if I could do this anymore. I think I still love him, but maybe not in the way I should. He seemed to be open to the idea of a separation of that's what I wanted. I don't know if it is. I'm incredibly scared...scared of being alone, scared of not knowing where to start...and it's not just me I have to worry about. We have 3 DC who love their dad very much. I don't want to tear up the family. I don't want them to hate me. But I can't see a way to make this any better. DH is showing no signs of getting better. He hardly leaves the house and can be snappy and sleeps a lot. All symptoms of his condition. But it is making me ill. We are close to having to take the DC out of childcare as it isn't affordable any more. 2 DC are in school but youngest DC is in nursery. I worry about leaving DH to do the childcare. Not because he can't look after his own children, but because they'd most likely be stuck in the house all day every day. Stuck in front of the TV or something. In one of our chats DH swears that he would teach youngest DC and try go out but how could he if he can't even do that now?
If we were to seperate where do I start? The house is mortgaged in DH name only. My basic salary only just covers all of the bills - we don't have sky/virgin, just Netflix so no to licence either. I will be lucky if I can bring in a few extra hundred a month through commission in a couple of months as the earning potential has been capped slightly. There are no family near by and I wouldn't want to uproot DC from school etc at a time like this. If we were to stay in the house (if we could? I don't know?) then DH would have to move back with his parents about an hour and a half away. Would I be able to continue working full time? We did get help with childcare through working tax credits, which will be stopped soon anyway if DH loses his job. Without those I couldn't work full time as a single parent due to childcare costs.
Neither of us have any savings. My job, which I started a couple of months ago, was an opportunity to put anything extra I made into a seperate account so we could start to sort ourselves out financially. With DH receiving virtually nothing I've had to use whatever I've pulled in extra as a float. There are two loans in my name (not huge ones) but they were used to consolidate both of our debt. If DH moves out he won't have a job anymore, so he won't be contributing financially at all.
I'm sorry if this is so jumbly. I've spent a day feeling angry and sad - I've snapped at DH and the DC. I'm feeling like a really shit parent and I just keep thinking that maybe, after all the years of trying to keep the plates spinning, that I need to stop now. I just don't know if this is 100% the right thing to do. I hesitate because I'm worried about the DC and money and what to do. Any advice would really be appreciated.
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Divorce/separation
Thinking about divorce
4 replies
IThinkIveHadEnough · 09/04/2016 22:12
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charlotteholloway ·
05/05/2016 13:39
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