Advice on telling the children please

(10 Posts)
C0C0 Fri 08-Apr-16 10:30:46

Any advice on how best to tell the DC please? Our DD is 6 and my DS is 11, they know somethings going on from all the tension but we have not actually said yet, he is moving out today.

I have googled but would appreciate advice from people that have done it.

lousylear Fri 08-Apr-16 10:52:58

I'd like to know this too.

RhombusRiley Fri 08-Apr-16 10:55:12

Also just checking in for the advice! I have DC a similar age.

Chloecoconut Fri 08-Apr-16 13:56:26

We had to tell our children when they were 7, 5 and 4. We kept it very simple and straightforward and just said that mummy and daddy wanted to be friends but that it was hard to for us to be friends when we were living together and so we decided that we would live apart. We told the children that we both loved them very much and that they would live me me mainly but that they would see their dad a lot and that they could phone him any time they wanted to. No 1 asked why we were finding it hard to be friends and we just told him that sometimes when you are adults life can be complicated and that we would be better friends if we lived apart. We both took them to see the house that exP rented and they have always been allowed to have whatever clothes/toys they want wherever (as in their possessions are theirs and they can move them around as they like so an Xmas present from me doesn't HAVE to live in my house). We had something planned with friends for after we had told them so that they were busy and not about to go to bed. I think your 11 year old will need a more age related explanation than this as he will probably have more questions. I was very lucky and our children were fantastic about it. Yes they had questions over time but No 2 child was totally over the moon that she was getting a new bedroom! I've had to tell No 1 something recently (he's now 12) and basic facts are easiest with no side taking. (apologies for going on and good luck - it wasn't easy but it was easier than I had imagined it to be).

Chloecoconut Fri 08-Apr-16 14:00:30

Sorry, I meant to add that being as positive about it as you can be also helped me - there will be tears but if you can find anything positive - dad will still come to school plays; you can choose things for a new room; x at your school has parents who don't live together and they get the best bits of both parents/2 birthday teas etc then it really does help

Minime85 Fri 08-Apr-16 15:30:41

We did pretty much exactly as chloecocnut said. Mine were 8 and just 6. We did it together. Answered any questions without going into the ins and outs kids just don't need to know. I too went with them to see daddy's new house. My youngest did say where will mummy sleep bless her but they soon came to understand. There was no forcing them to stay overnight until they were ready and my eldest wasn't ready for a couple of months. So they went for the day and then went back the next day and we built it up like that. I had a book called mum and dad glue for the youngest. That helped. I made sure their teacher knew at school and the head. They can access either parent when they like. We made sure something fun to do afterwards too. He then stayed another week before he left. Thinking of you. Makes me sad everytime when I see someone asking for that kind of advice as its a tough time but I had some good advice on here and it so helped me to see I wasn't alone that others were going through or had been through it too. And they and you will come out the other side and be happy. Honestly. flowersflowers

Littlefrogletx Sat 28-May-16 21:58:26

I'm about to take the same steps, the relationship is over. Im petrified of telling the children ds is 11 and dd is 7.
I'm so scared it's going to ruin their lives.
I'm so so scared

Minime85 Sun 29-May-16 09:37:32

Little froglet you won't ruin their lives. Their lives will be different. It depends on how you and ex deal with it all about how they are affected. Keep them at the forefront and they will come off best they can do. Especially important that they know you still communicate about them and as much as you can in two homes sign from the same hymn sheet

chewybacca Sun 29-May-16 21:10:25

Telling mine was something I dreaded for weeks. They are 10, 8 and 4.
We were very to the point. " Mummy and Daddy are not happy living together anymore so we have agreed to live apart". They cried a lot but we had a plan that we were able to explain to them.
We both took them to my new house, were able to tell them exactly when they would see each of us. Told them that we both loved them very much and that the decision was not their fault.
We are amicable with each other and the kids know that we still talk to each other.
I have brought them over to my new house every day before and after school, and they are very excited by new bedrooms. Tonight they are staying for the first time and they are fine.
I agree with op, any positives you can push make a difference. Also making sure that other out of home things (Cubs.sports,Sunday School) are kept up. Keeping routine is good.
My kids lives are not ruined by this, just different.

Littlefrogletx Tue 31-May-16 19:14:39

Thank you for your advice, I keep putting it off and trying again with him. Its making me ill. Its a very long story and I can't live like this anymore. I'm just so scared.

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