Very difficult situation, don't know what to do(3 Posts)
H and I moved to his home country a couple of years ago with our 3 DC. Our marriage wasn't up to it, that much is clear now. I have now moved back to the UK with the DC and am in the process of getting a child arrangements order so that H can't take them back there. There are a multitude of very good reasons why I don't want to return and DC don't want to either. Although the whole ordeal has undoubtedly had an effect on them.
The situation now is that I want to move back into our previous house - it is rented out - so I gave notice (verbally) to our tenants. They then contacted H who has revoked my notice. Turns out, although we are joint owners, it is only his name on the tenancy agreement. They are on a periodical agreement, the previous fixed term having come to an end in September last year. My solicitor says that I will obviously have difficulty serving notice formally if I am not on the tenancy agreement. I plan to commence divorce proceedings and then there will have to be financial settlement order blah blah and it will cost money I physically don't have. In the meantime, the DC and I have nowhere to live. I can't rent as I'm not working and haven't been since we moved abroad. He is refusing to pay any maintenance for the children or budge on "letting me" move back into MY house. He wants to make things as hellish as possible for me so that I come back to him, cap-in-hand, saying you're right, I'm useless, I can't survive without you. This absolutely must not happen. I have wanted to leave for so long and I will never get DC back another time.
I can't even get school places without having proof of address. It is very important to me that they go back into the class groups they left, I know it's not the end of the world if they had to go to other schools but I really can't be living with my Mum for much longer. It's not fair on her or the DC.
Any advice would be very welcome. I don't know where to turn.
Unfortunately, it sounds like you may have to do this the long, hard slog, way. Get a job, first, as that's the lynch-pin to everything else, and then see if you can afford to rent somewhere near the schools. Divorce and separation are so destructive, it throws everything up in the air, but it will all settle back down, and you'll be in a better place. It doesn't sound like you'll be able to get your old home back now, so you need to just make that cut and move on - to be honest, it's probably better for you all psychologically to not go back to the family home - I was stuck in mine for several years after my split, and although it was secure, it was awful to have all those memories hanging around.
Go to the CAB to get advice on your financial situation, as they can help you with debt issues/benefits eligibility etc. YOU CAN DO THIS.
Hi OP, first of all a huge well done on getting the DC back where you want them. You must and will stay strong for them and keep them with you. I was in similar situation but X took them back to his home country and that's where they'll now grow up. I see them 18-20 weeks a year. I'm devastated as you can imagine but you've got them here so just let that thought keep you going through this.
Rebuild step by step. First you need a job/independence so make that your priority, along with getting advice on benefits and any other entitlements. If your mum's helping you then just take that support for now and show her you're doing all you can to sort things out. Don't waste a minute on guilt or feeling negative, you've done the right thing for your kids and for you and that's what will benefit them in the long run.
My other advice is get out there and network, just get as many people on your side as you can and they'll help you get through.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.