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Divorce/separation

separated and want to move away from the area-can ex h stop me from doing this

7 replies

ConkersDontScareSpiders · 30/03/2016 12:05

We have been separated for 2.5 years.I would like to move away from the area in which we have been living for financial and personal reasons-(it has emerged that the reason for our marital break down was not that he had simply fallen out of love with me, but that he has been having an affair with my best friend-we live in a small town and for a variety of reasons I'm finding it to be untenable and need to get away).
H currently has our kids three nights a week and me four.Is there any way he can stop me from moving away? He would still have access but it may look a little different to the current situation.

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Cabrinha · 30/03/2016 13:15

That's a horrible thing to find out

How far are you thinking about moving? Next town along, and no interruption to his access arrangement and I'd say go for it.

However, you're saying that access would be different. I am sympathetic, but this is not about you, it's about your children's relationship with their father. You shouldn't interrupt a 2.5 year established almost 50/50 care agreement. That is not in their best interests.

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lateforeverything · 30/03/2016 13:17

Sorry to hear that, that's awful.

Is his access court ordered?

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Lonecatwithkitten · 30/03/2016 14:15

He can get a prohibited steps order to stop you moving. You need to consider what are the benefits to the children if the move, how are you going to facilitate contact. These are what the court are going to consider.

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shoeaddict83 · 30/03/2016 16:06

My Partners Ex moved to the next town 40mins away, got tenants for her house, rented new one and moved kids out of school and enrolled them in new ones and only told DP two weeks before they were due to move. She was totally in the wrong as DP has joint PR for both children so she had no right to decide on changing schools without his consent, but did it anyway. Means he lost 3 nights a week with them as its not feasible to travel to them after he finishes work before their bedtime in the week, and now only has them every other weekend.
Kids hated it, regularly cry when they leave us and say they hate the fact mummy moved them away.
He spoke to a solic who agreed she was completely in the wrong, but unless we could prove it really was detrimental to the kids adn go through alot of wrangling to get her to up sticks and move back, then we would likely spend a s**tload of money taking it thorough courts to not really get anywhere with it, so he's had to accept it.
Not easy at all, and it has effected both kids negatively in terms of their education suffering, and now to the extent his DD has been caught self-harming. Ex cannot see this is any of her fault for moving them away from all their family and friends though as she is happier there. its all about her
if the kids were happy it'd be different, but they really are not. You need to think long and hard how a move would effect them first, and you second.

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shoeaddict83 · 30/03/2016 16:07

btw i have complete sympathy for the situation and your Ex is a prick for what hes done, im just trying to give you another point of view from someone who has seen it happen, as its easy to allow your feelings for his betrayal cloud the reality of the situation with children.
I hope you can work something out

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ConkersDontScareSpiders · 30/03/2016 16:34

There is nothing legal about his access-we have sorted it all out.and the arrangement is new as prior to 6 weeks ago he worked away all week and stayed with us at the house on weekends-he just moved out properly after Christmas and is now based more in the uk.
I get that I need to think about the kids and a move will be disruptive for them.But at the same time they currently have a mother who is unable to function much past the basics, and in addition we live in such a small town that there is a massive amount of gossip which is giving them a hard time of it. I just don't know what to do for the best at all.

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ConkersDontScareSpiders · 30/03/2016 16:36

I would want to move about half an hour away-nearer to work and some friends that aren't involved in this in any way.but would be on the way back from work for h so it wouldn't be as difficult in terms of access as it might be.he currently lives round the corner and she lives over the road from me.