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D. And I are in the house. Both names on mortgage. Does he pay 50% plus CM?(22 Posts)
Recently separated with "D"H I'm in the family home with our 3 DC.
I work full time. I've applied for WTC and CM.
I'm applying for legal aid due to emotional abuse and DV but I'm doubtful I will get it. I have a solicitor calling me back but they want £90 for an hour advice session so wondered if anyone here would know where I stand.
I want a divorce. The mortgage and secured loan repayment together is approx £1k per month.
He keeps emailing me asking when I'm going to take over the bills for the house now he isn't living here. If it matters, he is a high earner and I have applied for CM direct from his salary because I don't trust him to pay.
Is it fair that I reply saying I will pay all the bills but we pay the mortgage and secured loan 50/50 for the time being?
Youngest DC is 8 I would like to stay in the house for now at least whilst we all recover and rebuild.
I have had the house valued and due to the loan and interest only mortgage payments there is no equity and neither of us have savings.
Title should read DC and I are living in the family home, sorry.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
I am waiting for a solicitor company to call me back after I gave them my details this morning.
But thank you for your reply.
No idea on the legal standing but if it helps when dp and his ex split he paid all the mortgage and bills but no cm until the house was sold.
I think in the short term if he is still paying towards the house and bills then asking him to pay cm on top seems unfair. You say he is a high earner, but with no savings are you sure he can afford to support 2 homes and pay cm?
Thank you wheres CM is not in place yet, they have said its because he is staying at various places so they haven't contacted him yet.
I hadn't thought about him paying the bills whilst we wait for CM to be calculated and applied. I was just going to transfer them all to my new sole account and pay them for April (March all done through the joint account)
It's the mortgage and secured loan I'm not sure about, it seems unfair that I should pay this on my own with my salary, no CM and 3 DCS to look after. His salary could easily cope with paying 50/50 of the mortgage and then CM once processed.
I really need to get a solicitor sorted out but thanks for the reply.
You need to account for the fact that he also needs to provide a place for him to live that is suitable for your children to visit and stay with him.
Not saying that you are wrong for what you are proposing but you may find that proposing a "fairer" split until the house is resolved may win you more points in the long run.
I'd check legally but when I separated from my ex I was left with mortgage and all joint debt to pay alone. As its 'joint' the lenders didn't care who paid just as long as it was as you are both financially liable until paid off and/or property sold. You may be able to reason with him and as for a fair contribution. Best of luck X
As PPs have said you need to get a solicitor - preferably one with experience of divorces involving abuse.
But if you want some free, quick advice in the meantime, you could call the Rights of Women free legal helpline:
I find it hard to believe that with an extremely high salary, he has an interest only mortgage and no savings. What has he been doing with all his disposable income? There must be property, investments and/or other assets that you don't know about. It's likely there was financial abuse on top of all the rest.
My ex dropped the bombshell that he was stopping paying his share of the joint mortgage during one of our many mediation sessions.
He'd moved out, I was in the process of remortgaging the house in my sole name but once he found a "place of his own" to rent he stopped paying. (I subsequently discovered that his parents had bought him a flat and were his "landlords")
It backfired on him spectacularly though when he realised that I wasn't going to give him any proof that I was continuing to pay the joint mortgage once he'd stopped paying - he suddenly realised that he could lose his share of the asset! He tried every dirty trick in the book to find out - stole my post, called the bank, even asked my parents to find out for him.
What's happening to the joint account btw? Have you both agreed to close it? Or is he still paying into it (to cover mortgage and loan repayments) for now?
Bear in mind that if the mortgage and loan are in joint names you are both liable to pay them. He can't just stop paying then even though he is no longer living there. He will be liable until you remortgage in your name only.
Lots of info here that might be useful rightsofwomen.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/PDF-guide-to-financial-arrangements-after-marriage-breakdown.pdf
Citizens advice can help with finding legal representation, also with an over view of your legal rights and responsibilities when you are splitting up.
Thank you all so much, I will read all the links and I'm going to cab today.
anotherEmma we have been married for 15 years and alsways had debt problems my close friends that I have now confided in are amazed that we have no money and I have no idea where it has all gone, so I'm prepared for another shock to find out along the way.
Interestingly I can still view our joint account online still (obviously) and apart from this months DDs paid out of it he isn't spending daily from the account like a normal person does so where the money is indust don't know. I haven't touched a penny in the joint account, my salary went into my new sole account I set up in 2012 when I first tried to leave him so I have been using that for me and the DC
I hae a thread in relationships and financial abuse has been mentioned, all I know is he is pressurising me to take it all over without owing up to his joint name on most of them.
Hmmm. I think he has more than one bank account in his name only. My guess is that he has been saving money is his own name and running up debts in your name or joint names. You really need to tell the solicitor and anyone else you talk to (CAB, Rights of Women) about the financial abuse and the likelihood that he will hide and/or depreciate assets.
If he is not paying money into the joint account, you might want to think about transferring the balance to your own account and closing it. (But check whether you are legally allowed to do that!)
The bank have sent me forms but these are to either remove his name or my name from the joint bank account.
He thinks I should remove my name but I've had that account since I was 18 and added his name when we got married. But I suppose it makes sense to leave it with him seeing as all the DDS, standing orders etc are all set up to that account although if I'm going to take them over it would be easier to tell him he needs to get himself a bank account and remove his name from the joint one?
Oh I don't know, but thank you. Hopefully the solicitor I called yesterday will call back and I'm going to cab now.
It's the only thing left he can keep contacting me about even though the bills aren't due to go out again till next month, DC won't text let alone talk to him after everything that has happened and this is his only way of keeping me at his finger tips.
" if I'm going to take them over it would be easier to tell him he needs to get himself a bank account and remove his name from the joint one?"
He already has his own bank account, love. He has several. How much money is in the joint account? Is there enough to cover next month's bills? If so I suggest you take his name off the account. Then you will keep the money and you won't have to switch all the direct debits. But see what CAB and/or the solicitor say.
I went to the CAB, he was a nce man but not very helpful apart from a list of local solicitors I can work my way through.
I called our mortgage provider and explained
again that I'm in my own etc they are going to get someone to call back in the next couple of days to diascuss any payment plan available
I think I should call the secured loan company tomorrow as well and see if they can offer the same sort of thing and wait to see what happens next month with the DDs coming out of the joint account (without my salary going in to it)
I still think you should call Rights of Women as a priority.
How many solicitors have you contacted? Are you going through them one by one? Why not contact several so you have a few options?
4 so far and now I have a list with 8 more.
I tried calling rights for women this morning but it was an auto message with no options to leave a message. I will try again tonight once the DC are in bed.
Thank you for your time in replying, I have sent you a PM.
The Rights of Women helpline is only open at certain times (7-9pm tonight if you're outside London), sorry I didn't mention that before. The info is here rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/family-law/
Thanks for the PM, I'll look at that now
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