the smallest patch of sunshine

[twirlypen]

My husband and soul mate (or so I thought) left out of the blue last March. We have two little people aged 7 and 5 at the time. We have mostly been grown up but both of us do not escape unscarred. I have spent some time this morning reading through boards and comments here. It is hugely comforting but also saddens me just how many of us are impacted.

I was touched by many posts about moving on and the need to do so, in whatever way that means for us.

We do not "need" to do anything our pain, grief, anger and frustration are just as valid emotions as happiness and joy. We should be able to give ourselves permission to be with those feelings ...

What we can benefit from is separating out how we feel from how we act and behave... I feel totally ok with being depressed, withdrawn and not my usual self.. The last year has seen my whole world shift upside down, I have been managing my own grief while supporting the DC's with there's ..

Please ladies give yourself permission to feel s**t know and trust that this is the process. That time will do its job, there is light and joy and we will truly value it.

In the meantime ... Find the smallest patch of sunshine in each day.. Whatever that means for you!

I am soon to brave the next step of the journey in formalising with divorce and all that comes with it.. I intend to practice loving myself, being gentle with myself and trusting that will help not only me but those most important to me.

Sending love to you all X

[InstinctivelyITry]

Hear hear!

In our house it was separation at my instigation after years of being treated badly; still though, I am absolutely thrown by how much the process has affected me.
You're right about making the distinction between how we feel and behave, something I'm forever working hard to achieve.

Im excited & scared for the future. However what I do know is that it's the right thing to do. I've a long way to go before I'll be able to feel reasonably confident and assured.

I'm so glad people haven't judged me (at least not to my face) and are being supportive.

Every best wish to you and yours twirly

[twirlypen]

Hi instinctively,

Sometimes it is what needs to happen.. So you did what was best for you and yours.. It will never be easy for any side...And it's better my Sbxh is miserable elsewhere instead of making kids and me miserable with him.. Still incredibly sad though and I still have really string feelings for him.

My mum left my dad when I was 15 and I had, had enough of living in their toxic relationship so I get it. Just so never thought it would happen to us (so naïve in many ways).

I have been overwhelmed with love and support from friends and family and have never had people who know and love me tell me that I need to move on.. In many ways the voices and opinions in our own heads are our own worst enemy..all the if only and what ifs!!!

Wishing u peace X

[Malefriendproblem]

Thanks for those words. I'm 12 days in to NC and having a down day. I know I have done the right thing but it still hurts. I know it will subside but just wish it would get a move on :)

[twirlypen]

Rooting for you...

[girlintheriver]

So god to hear it gets better, I'm 3.5 months in to my husband walking out on me and three small children. I loved him, I thought we'd be together forever.
I am struggling so much to carry on and get through.
I put on a brave face everyday for the kids sake and to pretend to myself that I'm doing ok.

I miss him so much, I know I'm looking back on things through rose tinted glasses but j can't help feeling like I will never find anyone better or that I will love as much.

I am still mourning the loss of the future that i thought I would have.

It's a truly horrible time and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

[twirlypen]

Girlintheriver, I am sad for you and your loss. I feel it everyday still.. I love and miss my husband very much. The brave face takes slot of energy. Where can you find time in the day to let the mask go? Be free to mourn?

A song by pink martini called hang on little tomato really helped .. Listen on YouTube.

X

[lilyblue82]

I believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I am in the middle of divorce, things are really tough. There are days when I can't simply cope. I have to leave job, and I need to go for a run and then I try to calm down. Counselling is helping me a lot dealing with the situation. I have regrets, I loved my family, I fought for it a lot even when my DH was shagging another woman.

I mourned and mourned, I felt like a widow. Friends helped me a lot and they still help. I gave up and despite feeling awkward on my own with two kids I know I have made the right decision. My DH treated me like s*t for a long time. He told me that he didn't love me anymore and he had an affair when I was pregnant with my second baby. He is basically a bastard. I've posed myself the question: is it worth living with an asshole? NO. I don't want to have a family with a man that doesn't love me and doesn't give a s*t about me.

Things will get better, I met a fantastic man (with a complicated story). Things will get sorted, happiness will come!