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coparenting

(2 Posts)
grimandtonic Mon 22-Feb-16 10:16:34

I have recently left my husband. There were serious issues with control, possessiveness and jealousy that I finally had enough of, and some of these control issues also
Included his parents who were overly involved in our marriage and parenting decisions. We have two young children.

In the time we were together he and his parents were very anti me having a full time job, the consensus was I should be home with the children in the week and I could perhaps have a 'nice little weekend job' and even my choice of weekend job was not particularly favoured. Funnily enough now that I've moved out his parents are all for having the children all week so I can work and then my husband and I could have the children alternate weekends (I think bloody not).

They've put an idea into his head about splitting the children's time 3/4 and then 4/3 each week so he can see the children more, but of course with him working Monday -friday this really means so they can have the children 1 to 2 days a week, which is fair enough and I understand that given how overly, annoyingly, unnecessarily involved they were they miss the children, but it's confusing for the children who don't know whether they're coming or going and given that they don't give him the space to look after them by himself (and given that some of those 3/4 days he's at work) means that I will end up potentially having to move in with him whenever his parents are away to help him and look after the girls anyway.

Where I have moved to the school is much better rated by ofstead and is great for children with the special educational needs one of our children has, so I want to move the children to that school, but whilst I am willing to spend hours on a bus taking the children to their existing school at the moment (neither of us drive, I am taking lessons) he won't be able to do that given work, which means his parents needing to drive the children to school as it's across the city from him. They are of course dead set against the idea of moving the girls to another school, in their heads the children still live in 'the family home' and that's where their dad is living.

Is it really that unreasonable or crazy for me to expect to give the children the routine and stability of spending week days with me and weekends with their dad and the benefits of a better school?

chocolatemuppet Mon 22-Feb-16 20:52:07

Wow! It sounds like you've got your hands full there. I don't like to sound of the 'we' with regards to your children and their grandparents. The children's stability is down to you and your STBXH. Grandparents can be great, and it's good that they are involved - but their role is just that. Grandparents, not parents. I think you need to tell them to back off somewhat, whilst the two of you work on developing a new co-parenting role between you. Your ex needs to work on his role as a father, not as a son. If all fails, then the courts will need to be your next port of call.

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