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Don't know where to start

(8 Posts)
Lucie99 Thu 18-Feb-16 12:09:14

I'm a SAHM to our nearly 6yr old. Things have been bad in our marriage for a while. My husband is a decent man. He is not abusive, he is a great dad, he is financially generous but work comes first, he can be emotionally distant and he is doesn't open up and chat to me about every day life as well as more important things. I'm unhappy and have been for about twelve months or so. I feel like his personal assistant /friend rather than his wife/partner. I've tried to discuss how I feel and even sent a long email putting it down in writing. Things improve for a short while but then he reverts back. I don't want to continue like this. My son is my priority. I feel awful that my decisions are going to rock his world. I don't want to separate but I can't see things changing so have no choice. I don't know whether we're going to lose our home and I'm already dreading having to share childcare at weekends/holidays. Where do I start?

shoeaddict83 Thu 18-Feb-16 15:12:34

oh Lucie i feel for you sad
Firstly is there any way to salvage it? I understand he only changed for a short while after your email, but could you sit him down and explain again that things are back to how they were and impress on him the seriousness of it and that you cannot go on like this. If he realises its at breaking point do you think it'd be the kick up the arse he needed?
Have you suggested counselling or relate, would he be open to that?
Just wondering if you can try to get it back on track before walking away from it thats all?

If not then all i can say is you need and deserve to be happy, and if your DH isnt making you happy and wont change then its your life and you need to do whats best for you and your DC. Yes it will be hard, emotional and a massive upheaval but better in the long run if you are this unhappy. If you really see that as the only way then i would see a solicitor (try the free 30min consult maybe) or ring CAB and find out your options and where you would stand financially etc, so you have all the facts before you tell him. flowers

DeoGratias Thu 18-Feb-16 19:56:17

DOn't assume you will have the child of course - you might lose your home and child and your bhusband stays in the house, finds child care, you go back to full time work and you pay to your husband and child whilst living in a bed sit or with your parents whilst working full time. As you would presumably be happy if that was your husband's position you won't mind if that is yours? I am just setting out worst case scenario. Certainly take legal advice and perhaps get back to full time work anyway as that will make it easier for you and your husband to support two households if you split up.

ImperialBlether Thu 18-Feb-16 19:58:22

Blimey, DeoGratias, where did all that come from?

ImperialBlether Thu 18-Feb-16 19:59:39

Why don't you go to counselling, either together or on your own, to try to see whether this can be salvaged?

tbtc20 Fri 19-Feb-16 00:03:38

deo that wasn't very helpful or kind.
The starting point for financial and residency of children is 50/50.

Lucie99 Fri 19-Feb-16 20:06:10

Thanks for the replies. Counselling might began option. I've checked the Relate website and they have offices in our hone town. Deo - I can only imagine something terrible happened to you. I would never stop our child seeing his dad and neither would my husband do this to me. I have no issue with returning to work should I have to (I have professional qualifications & worked for 15yrs before having our child). Our home is jointly owned and I assume we would sell up if we separated. Like I said I don't know where to start. I guess I'm off loading and I know things have to change.

kittybiscuits Sun 21-Feb-16 06:49:11

That was a really shitty post Deo. Very doubtful that this is a likely outcome with a distant, workaholic husband.

I think practical and emotional support for yourself is a good starting point. See a solicitor and check out how things might look. See a counsellor and talk about how you feel and consider next steps. You sound very caring and you obviouslyare not trying to hurt anyone. Your needs and wishes are important. You have one life.

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