Divorce when no separation agreement

[westendgirlx]

My husband and I have been separated for 16 months now. We have no separation agreement because he wants me to sign over the house without him paying me a penny! He also does not want me to have half his pension, despite us having been married twenty years and me supporting him all the way with his career! He won't agree to maintainence of £300 per month which my lawyer says is fair. Despite rejecting his offer of £120 per month maintenance, he continues to send me cheques for this amount every month which I don't cash even tho money is tight because I haven't agreed to the amount! He says he wants 50:50 access to our daughter, which I don't agree with. We had this arrangement for two months and then he suddenly stopped it via a text! Now he tells my lawyer that he wants 50:50 back! When he did have 50:50, he mostly sent our daughter to his mum's anyway! He is also laying claim to my car, despite having one of his own and has asked for rent for the period that I lived in our house together after our separation!! I eventually moved into a rented house with our daughter because I was so sick of it all!

He won't change his mind about anything and he won't go to mediation!

I can't petition for divorce til October because of the two year separation rule. I'm thinking about petitioning on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour, but really worried that he will hit back by being even more unreasonable in court. He has already emailed my lawyer with a few lies about me.

Any thoughts?? I am afraid of a long drawn out divorce, costing me loads of money.

[Cabrinha]

Start the process now, unreasonable behaviour.
He's clearly not going to be any less of a dick whatever you do!
So don't put yourself through the mental stress of waiting til Oct - just get on with it now. He doesn't get to call the shots any more.

[westendgirlx]

Thanks Cabrinha! Think I posted out of frustration! Writing down all that has happened has made it seem like a no brainer to me now! However, I expect he will fight tooth and nail...he's already cost me a bit in lawyer's letters trying to sort out a separation agreement...and failing!

[Cabrinha]

Yeah - so don't waste your money on interim agreements - straight for the jugular!!! Get the divorce and FUCK HIM!!!

[Confusednc]

If he's determined to be difficult (a twat) it will cost no matter what. Rip off the band aid and get it going is my advice.

[tbtc20]

Agree...YOU take control of the situation and show him you won't be pushed around. As long as you fight for what is fair you can hold your head up high.

[westendgirlx]

Thanks for the comments. I saw my lawyer yesterday and I'm going for unreasonable behaviour. She agrees that the letters between her and my husband have gone nowhere. I now need to persuade one of the two friends I confided in to be a witness to his behaviour! They need to make a statement. This will get me my legal aid, otherwise, it's wait til October! Here's hoping!

[Monty27]

Make sure you don't got into any pettiness, the lawyers love it.

[westendgirlx]

That's the whole point.....there's been 16 months of pettiness from him! I want this to stop

[Minime85]

For two years you would need his agreement anyway. Go for unreasonable behaviour. It only costs £410 to file by yourself if lawyers fees are too much. Sounds like you have plenty to use just needs to be for the 6 months before you separated. Document all of that re your daughter. You will be entitled to house and or pension. If he wants house then you'll get the pension. I was married for ten and was told I would get house and could have had part of his pension as mine depleted from working part time. Sad others have said go for the jugular!

[DeoGratias]

There is divorce on demand in English. You can write an unreasonable behaviour petition about any marriage, happy or sad. you just need stuff like ignores me, does not support me evidenced by XYZ. It's really easy. He will not defend or reject it so just do it that way.

Don't go to decree absolute however until you have a signed and court sealed consent order on the finances. If he won't negotiate it will have go before the judge.

[murrell0cherri]

Start you divorce asap, using unreasonable behaviour

If he ignores the petition, that doesn't stall things, he would have to submit an answer to the court to 'defend' the divorce, which will cost him money.

If he doesn't reply within the time limits, you can continue the divorce and be in charge of the timetable.

There are cost effective ways to divorce without going down the legal aid route which requires evidence following the changes, fee remission of the fee £410 is available for those on low incomes, so it can cost you nothing if you meet the criteria, and don't involve the lawyers.

Save your money for the financial side of things where it will better spent which is separate to divorce proceedings.

Mediation is a requirement for some financial orders, but you just need to demonstrate that you tried it or attempted to try it, shuttle mediation is available, meaning that you don't have to be in the same room.

His lawyers will advise him of all of the above and if he ignores it, it will cost him money.

You can not control how he chooses to conduct himself but you can choose how you respond.

Good luck

[Fourormore]

Cash the cheques! I can't see any judge saying you should get a lesser amount because you cashed what was offered.
It doesn't sound like he'll get his way at all.