What if H doesn't want to separate (let alone divorce)?

[3sleepingchildren]

H and I have been together for 17 years, married for 12.

I want to split up. I have done for years, and told him so about 4 years ago. He resisted then, and persuaded me to try counselling. I reluctantly agreed - reluctantly, because I knew what would happen (and did) - he would get there, be all charm and sweetness and light and make me out to be the unreasonable one. (Just to be clear, neither of us are perfect. I am sure I am as difficult to live with as he is).

Anyway, between me telling him I wanted to split and getting to the top of the list for counselling, I fell pregnant. Stupid, I know. But I really did only sleep with him once. Before that, no sex for about 3 years, and none since.

Anyway, counselling came around, I was by then 5ish months pregnant, and he did his charm offensive. We already had 2 disabled children, and I couldn't contemplate leaving at that point.

Dc3 was born, life got complicated, and time moves on. Fast forward 4 years, and I still want out.

He doesn't particularly want to be married to me (I do t think, and he certainly doesn't behave as though he does) but he wants a (second) divorce even less. He will absolutely resist splitting up.

So, what happens? I can't force him to leave the house. I can't leave myself (have been sahm for whole marriage, and trailing expat spouse before that, so no income, and no prospect of any as have 3 disabled dc - work is impossible) and have no intention of doing so as would mean leaving the dc. I am primary carer, and always have been. Situation is further complicated because dh lost his job last year, so is currently at home too (although not doing a whole lot of child related duties, it has to be said).

When he refuses to leave, what happens? I don't want the children dragged through a whole lot of unpleasantness - this will be difficult enough for them as it is.