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How do I manage this?

(11 Posts)
financialwizard Sat 09-Jan-16 17:41:18

Ok, so I need the wise words of you lovely ladies (and maybe gentleman)

Exh and I have exchanged on our fmh. I moved out upon exchange into a property that I have a short term lease on. I would have waited until completion but as it happens my daughters operation has been scheduled for the week that I would be moving so I needed to get her semi settled into her new place (she gets very stressed, and is still quite young).

Exh wants to come and visit her at my new place. If I am honest I don't want him to set foot over the threshold. I know this sounds ridiculous but it was extremely stressful towards the end and I just don't want him to invade my privacy. This is my sanctuary at the moment even though there is shit everywhere

I expect you all to say suck it up and let him in and I will take that on the chin I just really can't face him being in my home.

So I guess this is a wwyd? and a How would you deal with it? all in one.

Fourormore Sat 09-Jan-16 17:45:28

Hasn't he got his own place?
No, I would not be letting him in if you don't feel comfortable. You would, however, need to make proper arrangements for your daughter to see her father.

TheWhoreOfBabyliss Sat 09-Jan-16 17:47:24

If you feel like this and you are right to feel like this, set this boundary in place now. I would feel the same.

financialwizard Sat 09-Jan-16 17:50:43

Four He hasn't got his own place at the moment, he is just sofa surfing at different local family members (I should probably have mentioned that, sorry)

He will be having her the weekend after her operation. The only reason I can't take her there after her operation is because the hospital says she needs to be resting and staying away from anyone with even the remotest illness due to infection control. I did ask if it was going to be ok for her to go to his families at the weekend and the hospital said that my daughter should be sufficiently recovered by then (It's not a major op).

Fourormore Sat 09-Jan-16 17:53:20

It really is up to you.
Personally, in these situations, I imagine what it would be like if I was my ex and unable to see our child and of course also what our child would want. So in your case I probably would suck it up and let him in but that doesn't mean that you should.

financialwizard Sat 09-Jan-16 18:03:40

I know, that is why I feel torn I think.

GreenGoblin0 Sun 10-Jan-16 10:06:17

or perhaps you should think about whether your child would want her dad to visit her after her operation and how she would feel if she knew you wouldn't allow him?

TooSassy Sun 10-Jan-16 19:42:14

This is a tough one.

I'd let him in but I would make sure friends/ family (preferably male) were in the house and it was made clear this was a one off due to the circumstances.

If it wasn't post op I would tell you to not let him over the threshold but in these circumstances i think they will both want to see one another.

financialwizard Mon 11-Jan-16 11:37:10

I am Green that is why I am torn. My ex has not been particularly nice to me lately and frankly I don't want that spilling into this house when my daughter should be recuperating. That is my main concern.

However she will want to see him (if she is with it after the anathaestic).

financialwizard Tue 12-Jan-16 21:01:52

Moot point. He didn't bother hmm I hope it's not a sign of things to come.

TooSassy Tue 12-Jan-16 22:13:56

Oh lord. Is your DC ok?

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