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Advice please

(11 Posts)
NewStartnamechange Wed 06-Jan-16 14:45:20

I've been in a relationship for over ten years and I have one child. I have become increasingly unhappy over the years with my partner's mood swings. I feel like I am constantly walking on eggshells. If it wasn't for my child I would have ended the relationship a long time ago. I feel like I have tried to make do with his moods for a long time but over the past few weeks I have become unable to hide how upset I am, which appears to annoy my husband and must be upsetting my child as well. He puts me down.

I believe that the only way forward for us is to separate and maintain two separate homes for my child.

I am worried how my partner will react when I talk to him about it and I was wondering if anyone had any tips please. I talked to him about it a few months ago and he became very angry, stormed out of the house and started calling me names. I want to stay in the house with my child and set up a joint access arrangement but I don't know whether I can do this.

There are people that my child and I could stay with but I don't know if my husband would be OK with this. What if he won't leave or allow us to leave?

Noregrets78 Wed 06-Jan-16 22:21:20

What has happened since you spoke to him a few months ago - have you been able to discuss any of the problems, or just had to tiptoe around him?
I think the first stage is to be clear on what you want - are you definitely decided on separation.
And if so - how to go about it safely. From what you've said here, he's unlikely to be calm and logical about it. I'd speak to him, but ensure your child is not around (or even upstairs asleep) when you do. Even better in a public place, or with another person present.
You are entitled to leave, and he is not allowed to stop you.

NewStartnamechange Wed 06-Jan-16 22:34:39

We've talked a bit but it never changes anything. I'm going to talk to him tommorow when my son is at school and I have arranged emergency exits with relatives and friends.

I keep thinking I should just stick it out for a bit but I don't think I can.

I just hope that he doesn't get too angry when I tell him. I want to stay in the house with my child but I don't think he'll leave. It might be better for us to go to my parent's house for a bit

Noregrets78 Wed 06-Jan-16 23:12:19

Might be worth also posting some specific questions in legal? Eg if you leave the house I think it weakens your future position, but I don't really understand the ins and outs. Clearly you being safe will be more important. Just keep your own cool, calm head on no matter what he says or does.

NewStartnamechange Wed 06-Jan-16 23:40:06

Thanks for the advice, no regrets.

ConfusedNoMore Thu 07-Jan-16 06:37:32

NewStart I think you are doing the right thing in ending your relationship.

I'm concerned you are telling him before you get some legal advice. From what you say, it may be an abusive relationship. You say you're walking on eggshells and scared of his anger.

My ex ended our relationship and was similarly angry, unable to tolerate any emotion from me and had turned me into a shadow of person I was. I went to family for support. He changed the locks whilst I was away and I'm going through court trying to get house back in divorce.

Please talk this through with women's aid and get some legal advice before you pull the plug.

NewStartnamechange Thu 07-Jan-16 21:09:43

I think I might do that, thanks.

ConfusedNoMore Thu 07-Jan-16 21:34:44

Relationships board is busier than here. Keep talking there if you want some support. flowers

NewStartnamechange Fri 08-Jan-16 09:13:48

Thanks very much. I'm having a bit of a tough day today. Can't face work so I've taken the day off. I'm dreading the next few months

Noregrets78 Fri 08-Jan-16 11:23:09

One step at a time. You'll look back and it will have been worth it.

Confusednomore Fri 08-Jan-16 18:21:30

No regrets is right. Take things in small steps. You'll get there.

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