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how do I tell my husband i want to separate?

(15 Posts)
Tingatingatale Mon 04-Jan-16 22:57:47

I have been married to my husband for ten years and we have been together for twenty. We have two young children .

We have a lot of issues in our marriage. He talks to me like crap and it's like living with Jekyll and Hyde. I never know what mood he is going to be in and I spend a lot of time walking on egg shells. We have slept in separate beds for the last six months because of children waking and I don't think we have had sex for at least a year and it's been sporadic since having children (6,4). I have no affection or love shown to me and haven't for a very long time. I miss this so much.

I don't think I love him anymore. Most days I don't I even like him and I think I am done. I fact I know I am done. We have talked before and it gets turned round on me and I end up feeling guilty and I don't mention it again

I can't do another twenty years like this though. In my head I am ready and have already done so much grieving for what we could have been. How do I tell him? I just can't find the words or the courage to say anything?

Justmuddlingalong Mon 04-Jan-16 22:59:51

flowers Is finding the words to end it scarier than the thought of another 20 years of this?

PurpleWithRed Mon 04-Jan-16 23:06:04

You could get some counselling on your own with relate to help you work through a split - they are there to help you get to an amicable future, not just to keep you together.

sabrina111 Mon 04-Jan-16 23:13:05

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Ohorgodssake Mon 04-Jan-16 23:15:00

biscuit for you sa bring.

Ohorgodssake Mon 04-Jan-16 23:15:57

Sorry I meant for Sabrina

sabrina111 Mon 04-Jan-16 23:20:36

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MiscellaneousAssortment Mon 04-Jan-16 23:24:38

Yes quite, Sabrinas been spreading the new year cheer across a few threads tonight.

OP what do you want the next step to be? Who would move out? Do you have access to financial records, important documents like birth certificates & passports?

Will he let go graciously or turn it into a battle (the kind with no winners, only viciousness)? If so, you need to have a plan and have got all paperwork you need for custody and the financial split. Only then broach the subject,

Ohorgodssake Mon 04-Jan-16 23:25:45

Op I'm very sorry that you're going through this, I know how painful and scary it is. But I can promise you that whatever lies ahead in a future on your own (if that's what you decide on) will never be as lonely or frightening as the life you're currently living. My only regret was that I didn't do it years earlier.

sabrina111 Mon 04-Jan-16 23:41:32

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

sabrina111 Mon 04-Jan-16 23:43:47

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Tingatingatale Tue 05-Jan-16 08:42:03

Can you explain why it has been hidden please? There is nothing contentious at all in this post?

Thank you all for your replies. I have no idea how he will react. We have a second property which I will want to move into which makes it very complicated and I don't want to give details which may out me.

I regret massively not doing this sooner.

HolgerDanske Tue 05-Jan-16 08:52:02

It means the post(s) by 'Sabrina', not yours. Spamming posts about love potions don't do anyone any favours smile

Tingatingatale Tue 05-Jan-16 08:56:09

Thank you.

HolgerDanske Tue 05-Jan-16 09:10:21

Oh and also, to answer your question, there's no easy way to do it, unfortunately sad

You just have to bite the bullet and do it, like ripping off a plaster. And you have to present it as a decision you've made, not something to be debated and discussed and so on and so forth.


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