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shared custody arrangements

(10 Posts)
Duffelcoat Tue 29-Dec-15 04:16:41

Would love to hear any experiences and advice on making this work. Doing a bit of research I've come across the following two options:

-^2-2-3 plan^ Monday and Tuesday with Mum, Wednesday and Thursday with Dad, Friday through Sunday with Mum. Then the schedule flips: Monday and Tuesday with Dad, etc.

-^2-2-5 plan^ Monday and Tuesday with Mum, Wednesday and Thursday with Dad, and then alternating Friday through Sunday between the parents (one week with Mum, the next with Dad).

DC are 7 and 13. Schools very close by - we'd hope to both live in the area. I work four days a week, he works full time but with school holidays off. Thank you

Redglitter Tue 29-Dec-15 04:24:04

My friend did the 225 arrangement very well for 10 years. Suited both her and her ex

SofiaAmes Tue 29-Dec-15 05:01:52

It seems like a lot of back and forth during the school week. Shared custody is very standard here in the USA and most people seem to prefer switching once a week for kids the age of yours (younger children are better off not having a whole week without seeing a parent). Most people find that switching during the week is disruptive to school. Also, the switch is often easier if it's not on a school day (ie Sunday afternoon/evening). If parents are on good terms then a cross visit dinner on the off week is often done. ie The week that kids are with mum, then dad comes for a dinner on Wednesday night and vice versa. This helps a lot in the beginning with transitioning the children.
Try to have as little as possible that has to go back and forth with the children. ie clothes and computers in both households. As is, a backpack full of school books and homework will have to go back and forth.
Given your work schedule differences, then you can switch things up during the holidays or high stress times at work.

tribpot Tue 29-Dec-15 06:01:14

I think I'd prefer the 2-2-5 plan logistically, although wouldn't like the long gap of time away from the kids it created every other week. I think it must be easier to make sure the right stuff is at the right house if each parent has set days of the working week, e.g. swimming is after school on a Monday so parent 1 has the swimming stuff needed for the club, judo is after school on a Wednesday so parent 2 has the judo stuff. And possibly the same homeworks to focus on, e.g. spelling we do Monday and Tuesday nights, so again a simpler routine if the same parent has that homework to remember.

I might be tempted to ask the kids which one they would prefer.

wannabestressfree Tue 29-Dec-15 06:06:47

2-2-5 would be better I think due to the children knowing exactly where they are on any given week.
I agree with clubs being one persons responsibility then.... Works better I think..

Expatmomma Tue 29-Dec-15 06:16:50

A friend of mine swaps at the end of school every Wednesday. So the kids are dropped off in the morning by one parent and picked up from school that day by the other.

They have 2 sets of clothes etc so there are no suitcases to pack etc.

Works really well for them all.

inchoccyheaven Fri 01-Jan-16 20:23:39

we do 4 on 4 off as thats exh work pattern. It works but unless i have calendar which I have marked up with his and mine initials so i know who has ds1 when I struggle to work out in advance where ds1 is. That could just be me being rubbish though.It does mean I know that roughly every alternative month I have ds1 most weekends. Ds1 has clothes at both houses and takes school and sports stuff with him when needed.

Just as a side note exh originally changed his work pattern as he didn't want to pay me maintenance and thought having him half the time would stop that, however it doesnt work like that and as primary carer (someone has to classed as it ) and i get the child benefit he still has to pay but at a reduced rate. I still pay for absolutely everything ds1 and ds2 needs eg clothes sports clubs etc which I should think should be shared.

Duffelcoat Tue 19-Jan-16 21:33:32

A very late thanks for this all. Im considering week on week off but worry that will be too much for my youngest

etttvatre Fri 22-Jan-16 12:14:53

We've just started doing week on week off. We swap over on a Thursday so one parent takes them to school and the other picks them up.

It seems to be working well so far but I can't help but worrying about this making them feel rootless and that they have no proper home?

Really just place marking here so I can see how other families are working around a 50/50 arrangement.

RedZeppelin Fri 22-Jan-16 13:03:25

We have been doing the 2-2-5-5 thing for two years now and it really seems to work. The children (5&7) know that they are with Daddy every Mon & Tues and with me every Weds & Thurs - no confusion, no ambiguity and all belongings, uniforms, homework etc. are in the right place.

It will no doubt get more complicated as they get older, esp. with enduring books and homework are in the right home but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

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