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STBXH threatened me last nigh

(11 Posts)
icandothis64 Tue 15-Dec-15 13:43:57

Not sure what to do. STBXH had divorce papers served on him in Sunday as all previous correspondence has gone in the bin unopened. We still share same house. I am in guest bedroom. 2 teenagers. Last night he came into my room calling me a weasel. When I asked him to leave he said that I had no idea what was coming to happen to me now. Just you wait. I got really scared and kids came to my aid and DD 16 calmed him down and he later came back and apologised. Said he would never hurt me or kids. Was just angry. Then started crying. He is a functioning alcoholic and had been drinking. However. A few months back I caught him and our nanny in sexual tryst whilst me and kids in house. Nanny said she was coerced and sued me for sexual harassment. DH came to me one day and said he 'knew people" that could cause problems for nanny and her husband so that they would drop the case. I was shocked and told him not to be so silly. I am now terrified he is arranging something for me. Not sure if I am being paranoid but can't stop crying today.

PurpleBun Tue 15-Dec-15 13:54:52

I don't have any experience to help in this situation, but read your post and felt the need to reach out thanks

Your STBXH sounds like a complete dick and you're definitely better off without him.

If you feel unsafe, there are places you can contact for help and support. If he threatens you like that again, consider calling 999 as it's unacceptable behaviour.

Charities such as the CAB, Refuge, Women's Aid, etc. can also help.

Stay in touch.

icandothis64 Tue 15-Dec-15 21:37:26

Thank you pUrple. Your post actually made me cry that a complete stranger could be so kind as to respond. Have confined myself to bedroom today and DH assures me he would never physically hurt me. I am the mother of his children. I think I believe him. Just NED to get this whole thing over with. Sending papers to court on Monday so one step closer. Thank you again. smile

WellWhoKnew Tue 15-Dec-15 21:49:28

Would you mind ringing Women's Aid on 0800 2000 247 (England) but if you're elsewhere in the UK their numbers are Scotland (0800 027 1234), Wales (0808 80 10 800), NI (0808 802 1414).

Just for a chat on personal security. Without wishing to alarm you, the period of leaving can be difficult - and they have a wealth of advice.

Take care.

icandothis64 Wed 16-Dec-15 08:24:25

Thank you. I will. Harder than I thought to admit I might be some kind of victim. I am sitting here thinking oh I think it's all relight now. He didn't mean it. But at the same time I am thinking I know I sound like a cliche. My dad who is nearly 90 was one of the supporters of the very first women's aid. In Chiswick. So ironically I grew up knowing a lot about this topic and yet here is am......

PurpleBun Wed 16-Dec-15 18:07:35

Hi, how are things going?

I know it's hard to think of yourself as a victim sometimes - I had something very bad happen to me 20 years ago and spent the next 12 years thinking I was the one at fault and not the perpetrator. Thankfully I have since had my fake logic smashed to pieces and been shown the truth.

Anyway, enough about me! I hope things are going well for you and your kids at the moment.

intothebreach Wed 16-Dec-15 22:00:08

Hello icandothis - did you call Women's Aid?

I don't think it would do any harm to get your ex-H's threats logged with the police. You could call 101 and ask for your local domestic violence team. It might also be worth letting your ex-H know that the police are aware of the situation, but I don't know. .. Women's Aid can give you better advice about that.

Maybe I'm projecting, because the "I know people that can hurt you" script is one that my abusive H used quite frequently. In his case, I think it was mostly bluster, and I hope this is the case with your ex-H too, but better safe than sorry I think.

The thing with your nanny must have hurt you so badly sad It sounds like she may be a victim too. Do you mean that she sued you for harassment? I know nothing about the law, but that sounds weird to me. You are not responsible for your ex-H's behaviour.

Please do call Women's Aid. Your user name is very appropriate - you CAN do this, and you will get through it.

icandothis64 Sat 19-Dec-15 09:18:21

Hi intothebreach. Yes. The nanny sued me as I was the employer. Her lawyer advised her to go to police but she chose not to do that. I know believe that although he instigated the whole thing, she was actually complicit too. She took a£180 from him for them to fool around. She only admitted it when found out. BTW. she is not some naive 21 year old exploited by the big bad husband. She is a 34 year old married women's with a DS of her own. Incidentally the DS was in the room next door when all these trysts were going on. I have defended the case robustly and has cost me thousand and thousands. Which I don't have.

On DH front I think he realised that the threat was a step too far. I honestly suspect it was just words to try and hurt me. Since then he has been really nice and didn't drink all day yesterday. A first in many years. Right now I am keeping him inside for two reasons. 1. I need him to sign an important financial documents related to kids next week which he had previously refused to do and it's important. And 2. Let's just get through christmas. dinner. At the same time I have filed for decree nisi so I am not been sucked back in. Sad thing is though this me behaviour of his is clearly leading him to believe we might get back together. He keeps bringing me cups of tea and tried to kiss me goodnight in front of DD last night.

Hissy Sat 19-Dec-15 09:52:51

He needs to go and stay somewhere else. Doesn't matter where, you need to feel safe in your own home.

Hissy Sat 19-Dec-15 09:53:47

Oh and he signs the paperwork or you report him to 101. Take control.

Hissy Sat 19-Dec-15 09:56:20

AND the costs of his cheating get charged to him as part of the divorce.

Trust me, when he's gone from your life, you won't know yourself ! What a truly vile human being!

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