caught dh sexting

[Lovepolkadots]

Hi I have been with my husband for 11 years, we have 3 children 10,10 and 6. Things have been going downhill since we married 3 years ago and eventually we stopped sleeping together. Due to many factors, horrendous career pressure, Bereavement. You name it.
3 weeks ago discovered DH was seeing someone after I found very sexual and loving whatsapp messages on his phone. He said he met this woman 6 months ago and has only texted her said they never met again in person again and it was just silly messages. He said she had approached him for his number. And he fell in to it. I don't believe anything he has told me. I later found condoms which he had hidden in shoe. He claimed they weren't his but he had bought for his older son ( from first marriage)
I agreed after much arguing to give him another chance. But Im now feeling very resentful as its as if nothing has happened. He said he has ended contact with this woman.
I feel a right idiot and not sure what to do.

[Goingtobeawesome]

What do you WANT to do? That's the important bit, not what you think you should.

[Lovepolkadots]

I don't know. I guess I think I should end it. But I have to think of the children. He started ranting that I will ruin their lives if I end it. However not sure I can trust him again.

[PamDooveOrangeJoof]

I'm sorry that this has happened to you. You will not be ruining the children's lives. It is him that should have thought about that before cheating on you.
You are worth far more. You deserve more. Don't teach your children that this is acceptable in a relationship.

[icandothis64]

Don't feel you need to make a final decision now. If you have something to build on that's great. I discovered something similar in August. I tried to make it work for a while until I found that DH was t trying quite so hard! I decided to end it when I found that I didn't like the person that I was becoming. Checking his computer etc. It's been hell since then and I wouldn't wish my current situation on anyone but not for one second have I regretted the decision. So. If you need it take the time to do what's right for you and children.

[Goingtobeawesome]

He has already ruined their lives by upsetting their mum. If you end it HE is the one at fault. Not you. He's trying to control him by saying that, don't let him.

[Lovepolkadots]

Thanks for all the advice much appreciated

[TooSassy]

Ask mnet to move this thread to relationships. You'll get a lot more info there

[Goodbetterbest]

Unfortunately him putting this on you, that YOU'LL be ruining the DCs lives is a fairly textbook response from a cheater.

He has ruined things, not you.

Has he taken responsibility for his actions? Shown any remorse?

Only you know what you are prepared to tolerate. It's possible that he will be sorry enough, will work hard at winning your trust and put it right.

Or he might now. In which case, run for the hills.

Life is so much more pleasant for us since my cheating XH and I split. Far from ruined.
Good luck.

[Belle0906]

I found out my husband had been 'texting' a colleague 6 years ago. I decided to forgive and forget until he went away up North for a conference.

My neighbour knocked and asked where he was as his car was parked on a mutual friends driveway.

I phoned him and told him what I knew and he managed to make a 100 mile journey back from his conference in about 10 minutes!

From personal experience I've found that once someone has cheated they don't change their ways but just become more careful at not getting caught out.

Sorry for sounding like the voice of doom.

[Newbrummie]

Completely agree with Belle, this is the start not the end

[Lovepolkadots]

Thanks again everyone.

[Twinkie1]

Ypu won't be ruining his children's lives. He managed that all on his own by committing adultery.

Please remind him of that next time he tries to lay this at your door.