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SAHM in shit creek!

(18 Posts)
bofski14 Tue 24-Nov-15 20:04:51

Long story short - bought an 80k property in joint mortgage/deeds with joint tenancy in 2013. 63k owing. He paid deposit and fees and has been the breadwinner. I am a SAHM as I gave up my career to raise our 2 year old DD. I also cannot work as I have mobility problems for which I receive PIP but this is only guaranteed until Jan 17 then I have to reapply. He earns between 40-50k pa.

He's been abusive and I've asked him to leave and he's living at his mums. Yes, it's that bad I would rather be on benefits than have his money.

Been to CAB today who have advised me I can get Child Tax Credit, Income Support, Council Tax Benefit and msintainence for our daughter from him. Possibly help for some of the mortgage. There is 15k in savings which he earned but is in my account because he gambles. He wants to split this NOW and buy me out in 3 months. I said no as I don't want to make any hasty decisions.

I've booked to see a solicitor on Saturday but can't wait until then. My question is - can me and our daughter stay here as long as we make the mortgage payments? I've heard of people being able to stay in their homes until their child is 18. Is that just a myth? And would the mortgage company let me stay here alone?

Marilynsbigsister Wed 25-Nov-15 09:48:20

The all important question is, are you married OP ? and depending on the answer, who has been paying the mortgage..

bofski14 Wed 25-Nov-15 10:00:23

No, not married and the mortgage was paid out of our joint account.

bofski14 Wed 25-Nov-15 10:00:47

His wages went into the account as did my PIP and the mortgage got paid from there

bofski14 Wed 25-Nov-15 14:07:19

Can anyone help me?

Viviennemary Wed 25-Nov-15 14:26:16

No I don't think it's usual to be allowed to stay in the house if you're not married unless you come to an agreed financial settlement. I am assuming the house is in joint names. So he may be able to force a sale. You will probably want his name off the mortgage and the house deeds. Can't see him agreeing to that without some sort of financial settlement. The money in your account is yours if it's solely in your name so hang on to that as a bargaining tool. Don't hand over half before you need to. That would be my advice but you need legal advice or CAB.

tribpot Wed 25-Nov-15 14:28:19

Is he pressuring you to agree to transfer the money to him this week? Just tell him you can't make any changes until you've taken legal advice. It's not like his expenses can be that high living at his mum's house, I would guess he wants the money (a) so you don't have it or (b) to start gambling again.

Viviennemary Wed 25-Nov-15 14:30:05

Some of those benefits might be affected if you keep the £15K in your name. But don't do anything quickly till you have all the information you need.

Shutthatdoor Wed 25-Nov-15 14:35:39

You really need legal advice.

Both of you need to be housed and he has to have somewhere suitable to be able to see DC.

It is more complicated as you aren't married.

bofski14 Wed 25-Nov-15 14:54:28

Thank you. I've told him I need time to think and seek advice. Today he seems reasonable but it's very scary.

Whythehellnot Wed 25-Nov-15 15:01:28

I was married but court ordered my house to be sold and equity split. I had two young children with special needs and still had to sell up.

Not sure how you would get your mortgage paid? Who would pay it?

Like pps say, get legal advice as everyone's case is different. Also some ex partners are more amenable than others which helps (mine was awkward at every turn.)

bofski14 Wed 25-Nov-15 15:06:54

I would pay it with a combination of SMI which would cover £120 leaving me to find £260. I would make up the shortfall with income support, child tax credit, child benefit, msintainence from him for our daughter and my PIP

Lozza1990 Wed 25-Nov-15 15:07:44

Would you be able to afford your mortgage? Contact a solicitor, I have no idea what the situation would be if you're not married.

tribpot Wed 25-Nov-15 16:11:56

Realistically how would you pay all the other bills, or cover anything unexpected arising like a new boiler (just been though that little joy myself)? I think you might be better off looking at rental options rather than trying to hang on to the house.

When you say it's scary do you mean he is scaring you? Or that you have now realised how financially vulnerable you are?

Marilynsbigsister Wed 25-Nov-15 16:13:09

If he can service the mortgage from his salary after maintenance then it's likely he could keep the house. Have you paid into the property at all ? I note that he has paid the deposit as well as the mortgage payments. You really would need to get legal advice because if you were married it would not be a marital asset and split, in your case because you are not married that is not the case, however you may have a partial claim as you say it's in joint names. On the other hand you would probably be expected to pay him half of the deposit if you did somehow persuade both court and mortgage company to let you take mortgage over. Legal advice essential.

bofski14 Wed 25-Nov-15 17:27:44

Ok thank you all

MotiSen Wed 25-Nov-15 23:47:07

Gamblers piss away money; i.e., their children's future school expenses, etc. Don't give him anything until you legally have to, and then only the legally required amount, is my advice.

My bf and her husband had truly successful business (sandwich shop) they started, and he would piss away 70% of their earnings so that they lived from month to month. In the end, they lost the business, got divorced ... all those years of hard work, and in the end, nothing but debt. Gambling can be like crack to some people, I think..

Best wishes. Be smart, not emotional.

DontMindMe1 Sun 06-Dec-15 15:08:53

I would pay it with a combination of SMI which would cover £120 leaving me to find £260. I would make up the shortfall with income support, child tax credit, child benefit, maintenance from him for our daughter and my PIP

So how will you afford to feed/clothe yourself and you dc? Afford necessary living things like household items, toiletries? How will you manage to save any money for a safety net?

It sounds like you will be living a hand to mouth existence if this is how you plan to pay the mortgage. I would explore ALL my options -including moving to rental accommodation/downsizing.

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