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Am I right?

(6 Posts)
rockabillyruby82 Sat 21-Nov-15 09:10:28

Long story but will try to shorten it.
I separated from cheating H 8 weeks ago, without question he left and I remained in the house we jointly own. We've only owned the house since March this year. We have a DS and a baby on the way.
Initially we said we'd pay 50/50 on mortgage repayments, I talked about child maintenance and he said he'd pay half the mortgage instead.
Now, in the back of my mind I felt/knew this wasn't correct but being A.a walkover and B. Upset and in shock from discovering his affair, I didn't say anything.
The weeks have gone by, he started renting a house nearby and I found out a few days ago him and OW are together. Fed up of his lies I msged him saying that I want child maintenance paid direct to me and after that's paid he can contribute to mortgage if he wants to remain part owner.
As you can imagine, he was not impressed! He even suggested I move out and he moves in and has DS!!!
He now wants to go through mediation, fine by me, I know I won't leave the house.
But am I right?

He's also annoyed because his dad put down the deposit, there is nothing in writing confirming that but I am not the kind of person to forget that kindness. I've told him I'll happily sign an agreement to pay that money back if/when I sell the house.

Cabrinha Sat 21-Nov-15 09:46:43

You really need a solicitor. His solicitor will claim that the house deposit was a gift to the son. Yours will say that FIL gave it to you as a couple. I think given you were married with a small child, it's quite persuasive that the deposit was a gift to you both. And the cheating scumbag can whistle for it. There would have been ways to protect it at the time that neither your STBXH or FIL wanted to do.

I'm all for 50/50 (finances and childcare) but you're pregnant so I don't think 50/50 care is appropriate of a new baby.

You will need to do mediation, but I'd see a solicitor first. Don't go into mediation without being clear on what is the best settlement you could get.

TooSassy Sat 21-Nov-15 09:52:52

OP firstly stop being so nice. He's not appreciating it but is abusing it.

You stay put. Under no circumstances are you or your DC moving. The absolutely priority in all of this is that your DC's life remains as stable as possible. Just know that any court will throughout all proceedings put welfare of DC's first. If you are primary carer (are you), then they remain with you. End of.

Get a lawyer and get some legal advice ASAP.
Mediation is a route you will have to go, but it will help you to know your legal rights.
Pick a mediator you feel comfortable with, that's very important.

Regarding short term financials. Standard advice (or the one I was given) was that nothing should change. So if x person pays mortgage and y person pays bills, that should remain unchanged until finances are sorted.

Final bit of advice. Do you have any joint accounts/ credit cards with him that gave overdraft facilities? If you do, shut them down.

Hope that helps. thanks OP. So sorry. He sounds like a piece of work.

rockabillyruby82 Sat 21-Nov-15 10:18:05

TooSassy I have most definitely stopped being nice. I was doing it as much for my own sanity as for him but the dirt bag doesn't deserve it anymore. Some of the bull crap he is coming out with is unbelievable.
We don't have anything else joint, only mortgage. Purely because he has always been awful with finances and relied on others to bail him out. I actually believe his father will offer to put up his half of the mortgage each month.
The man is so delusional, I really think he believes his bullcrap and that he has equal rights over property. I'll take your advice and find a solicitor. I've only been going by what I know but if what Cabrinha says is true, ref deposit, that could be problematic.

charlybear7 Sat 21-Nov-15 11:08:59

I could have written this myself! What's wrong with these men?!!

Stay strong and fight for your rights x

Moanranger Sun 22-Nov-15 15:41:55

Ditto delusional ex's! That seems to be the norm. The illogic of my ex's position is breathtaking - no judge would buy into it.
Ignore your STBX's opinions, etc & get good legal advice.

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