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In court tomorrow, your experiences please?

(16 Posts)
bollockstomarriage Mon 16-Nov-15 05:55:21

Hi, I'm due in court tomorrow & wondered what to expect? It's our 2nd hearing as my ex missed the first due to not being ready. There is no reason it shouldn't all be wrapped up on the day as lots of work has been done, he's waiting to see what the judge says. Can any of you tell me about your experiences? Anything I should know? I gather we'll be in two separate rooms with barristers running between. It'll be the first time I've seen my ex in nearly a year, I'm nervous. Also, not sure what to wear?

Kr1stina Mon 16-Nov-15 06:06:10

The only thing I can advise on is what to wear - what you'd wear to a job interview , smart office wear . Top / blouse and skirt or smart trousers , or dress and jacket . If you wear a dress or skirt, wear tights . Plain dark Ian colours if you have them . No denim, trainers, sportswear, slogan t shirts , stripper shoes , cleavage , vest tops or short skirts .

In theory it shouldn't matter , but it's best to look smart to show respect to the court .

I wish you the best of luck. It's a horrible thing to do through but hopefully it will be over soon

Kr1stina Mon 16-Nov-15 06:07:13

Sorry, I don't know where the Ian came from .

Baconyum Mon 16-Nov-15 06:11:52

We need more info

Why are you in court? As it's not always necessary. Is it divorce or child related?

bollockstomarriage Mon 16-Nov-15 11:22:54

It's for the financial settlement.

Baconyum Mon 16-Nov-15 11:27:34

Ok why has it had to go to court what are you not agreeing on?

Newbrummie Mon 16-Nov-15 11:43:58

For finances I would get a solicitor, I don't want to I see it as a bit of a waste of money but I know he will argue my point without emotion and that's what I need

bollockstomarriage Mon 16-Nov-15 14:06:47

We've gone to court because everything's in his name & he refuses to give me a fair settlement. When I asked what to expect I was really meaning from an emotional point of view? It will be the first time I've seen him since January. My lawyer says to dress plain & no make-up but this makes me feel vulnerable, rather than 'all guns blazing' with beautiful hair/make-up & clothes. Feels like going into battle without my body armour.

Baconyum Mon 16-Nov-15 14:54:19

But the solicitor knows how it works where you are. Like they know the judges.

Why are you in separate rooms? Dv?

It will be fairly unemotional I'd have thought if you're not actually in the same room. You'll just be instructing your barrister as to your wishes. The law sets out with an assumption of 50/50 and works from there.

How is he not being fair?

Baconyum Mon 16-Nov-15 14:57:31

Also barristers? Are you sure? That's a very expensive way of dealing with it.

My divorce financials were settled via solicitors but then there wasn't really any money! Just disengaging from him legally as he had a tendency to poor planning financially and I didn't want to be liable for his debts and inhad to sign a couple bits saying I wasn't looking for spousal support (in hindsight I should have but at the time I just wanted out!).

HoundoftheBaskervilles Mon 16-Nov-15 17:28:51

My ex used a barrister when we were in a similar position, I used a solicitor, didn't give him any advantage whatsoever.

As I recall we each stated what we wanted/were willing to give and then the judge advised us to hash it out and our representatives met with us separately (so his barrister came into the room with the initial offer, which we told him to sod off with, then he came back with another etc until it was all agreed), I got what I asked for because I was being reasonable as I had been all along, ex's barrister advised him to agree or we would have had to schedule another court date, costing £0000's more.

My solicitor still ended up costing me about £13,000 though as my ex was obstructive every step of the way. Dick. I only hope his pricey barrister was even more.

HoundoftheBaskervilles Mon 16-Nov-15 17:38:02

I think I dressed smart/casual I was about 7 months pregnant at the time (as my idiot ex dragged things out for so long I'd met my current DH in the interim and was pregnant with our second child!).

Moanranger Mon 16-Nov-15 21:44:19

OP, I know what you mean re apprehension around seeing ex. I was in court last month with my ex present, but I avoided eye contact, & he spent most of time with his counsel before we went in to court, so I didn't see much of him.
In court itself, there were several rows; as I was acting for myself, I was in first row on right, his counsel was in the same row as me on left, & ex sat behind his counsel,so he was out of my line of sight.
So you should be able to avoid any interaction with him.
I referred to him as the Applicant, & myself as the Respondent; a bit awkward but helped in providing emotional distance.
Good luck - I am sure you will b fine.

mineofuselessinformation Mon 16-Nov-15 22:01:45

My experience was a few years ago..
Dress as if you're going to a job interview.
Be prepared for it to take a while (I ended up paying my solicitor for five hours, but it was worth it!)
You will only see him in person when going before the judge, which in my case was in an office type room rather than a courtroom. You don't have to speak to him (stbxh that is). Address the judge as Sir or Madam.
Your two solicitors will meet to discuss the case, and may need several conversations with offers being passed back and forth, which your solicitor will discuss with you and advise you on before they go off for another talk with the other solicitor.
You might be in and out to see the judge a bit while your differing positions are discussed, but usually you don't need to say anything.
I think that about covers it, sorry it's long!
(Oh and I prepared a playlist of upbeat music that helped me 'be strong' in the car before I got there! My newly XH pulled up behind me and saw me singing along afterwards, which mightily pissed him off! grin)
Good luck.

mineofuselessinformation Tue 17-Nov-15 18:54:31

How did it go?

TooSassy Thu 19-Nov-15 13:59:21

Yes OP. How did it go?

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