Husband through me and 2 year old out for another woman

[bartam]

I just joined Mumsnet and this is my first post. I often read other peoples posts and find a lot of good advice is given.

Two weeks ago my husband turned to me and said he didn't want to be with me and threw me out of our home (it was his before we got together so he claims its his now). What is worse is he also threw out our 2 year old with me and I am 32 weeks pregnant. I feel a mixture of emotions, anger, hurt, devastation to name a few. He swore there was none else but I went to the flat to collect a few things last Thursday and found another woman razor, underwear and hairbrush there. He still denied there was anyone else. Yesterday morning I was meant to go collect some of my things but he called off and swore he would bring it to me when coming to pick up our son. When he didn't show I went through to get some things and found out he has been seeing 4 different people. One of which we both work with and the other 3 are customers from work so now I can't face work. I got so angry that I cleared the house of everything belonging to me and my son, plus took the sofa and TV which we recently bought. After all I did pay for it. He has seen my son for one day in two weeks which just breaks me more than anything. Plus my auntie and uncle seen him in a restaurant yesterday with the girl from work when he was meant to be picking my son up. To add to the stress of it all, he has told his family I walked out and won't let him see our son. After gathering my evidence yesterday I set them straight but its only a small consolation to this mess.

I don't know where to start with processing this information. I supported him financially through redundancy, moved cities for him and gave up a lot. How could someone change so much so quickly and do this to someone they married? I want to get everything sorted asap but have no clue where to start. Anyone been in a similar position?

[FishWithABicycle]

You need a solicitor (many will give you an initial chat for free to help you decide next steps) and speak to citizens advice if you can.

Do you have any joint accounts or does he have access to any account in your name? You need to make sure he doesn't max out the overdraft on the joint account if there is one, or do anything to create or enlarge any debt you could be held responsible for, so talk to the bank(s). If you can get documentary evidence of the size of the various assets in either name that would be good as some people in these situations try to hide their assets from the courts.

The default assumption should be that you get half the assets. I think that includes any assets owned before the marriage (the 'all my worldly goods I thee endow' line from the traditional wedding ceremony effectively means this and is a fundamental principle of the concept of marriage) - some wealthy people try to protect themselves from this principle with prenuptial agreements but the courts can and do set those aside when there are children who need supporting so it's going to be upheld in most ordinary situations.

Stay strong.

[Dollius01]

He has absolutely no right to throw you out of the marital home. You need to get on record all threats etc. go back and get copies of all financial documents you can lay your hands on and see a solicitor ASAP. You should not have to be dealing with this at 32 weeks pregnant. This man is a prize shit. What support do you have?

[bartam]

Thanks for the advice. I have an appointment at the bank tomorrow, citizens advice on Wednesday then a solicitor on Thursday. I really hope I can get everything sorted to protect me and my sons future. I am so lucky as I am back home living with the parents and have 2 brothers and 2 sisters to lean on.

I am honestly heartbroken but I have to fight on for my kids and to show him that he won't defeat me. The hardest thing is listening to all the abuse he gives me. He has told me to commit suicide 3 times in the past 4 days. What is wrong with men. Everything has been kept and I have proof of his adultery so will speak to the solicitor about that on Thursday.

[MidnightVelvetthe4th]

Welcome to Mumsnet bartam :)

I'm so sorry this is happening to you but you sound as though you're dealing with it really well!

Re the abuse, make a note of dates & times, if its on a text/email/answerphone then keep it as evidence. Stop answering his telephone calls & emails & just ignore him for the time being, you don't need to listen to his shit. Are you feeling suicidal at all?

You are doing all the right doings with the bank/CAB/solicitor well done :)

[goddessofsmallthings]

As advised above, in the absence of a court order, your h has no legal right whatsoever to throw you out of the marital home and if you wish to return you should talk to your solicitor about the possibility obtaining an occupation order which will require him to leave.

May I suggest you post on the Relationships board where you will receive support and advice from others who have been where you are now and have moved on to happy and fulfilling lives without the millstones of abusive spouses around their necks.

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