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I've filed for divorce. Do I need to be hasty now re financial order ?

(5 Posts)
darlingish Tue 10-Nov-15 23:43:57

I've done some research and decided that what money I do have id pay a good solicitor to sort out our financial arrangements and do the divorce bit myself.
STBX will have received the petition this week.
I'm about £1000 off my savings for the £3000 upfront cost to instruct solicitor ( yes could go cheaper but I like her ) but now he's received the petition , my question is , if he instructs a solicitor first to sort finances will that put me at any sort of disadvantage ??
I really don't think he will but if he did ?
He has acted fairly badly and I'm divorcing him for unreasonable behaviour of which I have evidence.
He has lived with his mum 70 miles away for 18 months and made no attempt to move nearer to his dc despite having plenty of disposable income He just spends and doesn't save .
He has a gf now and rarely sees his dc .
He often goes weeks without speaking to them , ignores his phone.
I have given up trying to help him because he just won't help himself .
Initially I wanted to be fair and go 50/50 ( and help him find a place and go to doctor with him as I thought he was depressed ) but 18 months down the line managing a career, a house , 4 dc and had no support from him throughout the last 18 months with anything .... Not illnesses, hospital admissions, parents eve nothing.

I know realise I have to fight my own corner and really want to buy my own place to start over . It did seem a distant dream but now just might be achievable . I have a mortgage promise and Im sorted in other aspects .
If I can get a bigger share of the house equity we might just be able to move one day in the not too distant future .
I didn't really want to go into Christmas having used all my savings , but if I have to I will . should I just do it or will I be risking anything by waiting until Jan knowing he might do this first ?
Many thanks for reading .

financialwizard Thu 12-Nov-15 20:21:57

I don't think it matters who starts negotiations.

inchoccyheaven Fri 13-Nov-15 00:40:57

I started divorce proceedings and it doesn't seem to have made any difference to financial proceedings. We both had to provide all financial details and I made a proposal which was eventually rejected even though I was wiling to take less equity as just wanted it to be over. So now I am fighting for my half especially as house value has gone up significantly since first valued 2 years ago. I'm dreading his reaction especially how it could affect our children but I would be stupid to walk away with so much less when I have to provide for our future. So far I have spent £4k and wouldn't be surprised if its that or more before finally divorced.

DivorceAlchemist Fri 13-Nov-15 19:42:00

Darlingish have you been to mediation yet? Doing your disclosure together in mediation is much easier. You will get to see his documents whilst he is there and he yours. It's often easier to raise queries about it too when you have the independent support of a mediator. It'll also keep your legal costs down. You could do all your negotiating in mediation and use lawyer to draw up the consent order. Think about it smile

Goodbetterbest Sun 15-Nov-15 11:27:14

That what we did DivorceAlchemist and I agree with you. Although mediation wasn't much cheaper than my solicitor and did take a long time.

OP, have a really good idea of what you need (for now and the future. Dot forget pensions etc) and a really good idea of what you want. Mediators encourage fairness. What feels fair. It's a good starting point.

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