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Due in court & can't face it.

(13 Posts)
Dyingadeath Tue 10-Nov-15 14:33:31

2nd hearing & I think I'm going to walk away. I can't face it. I'm being fucking annihilated by my ex. I'm very very low right now. With the best legal team I can afford I've been told I'm only likely to get 30% of assets at best as most were 'pre-owned'. Bastard ex earns 6 figs & I've never worked for 20yrs. No idea how to get back on my feet. I'm permanently exhausted. Feel like just walking away from it all, kids & all. I've no extended family of my own for support. I've had enough. I want out.

blueobsessive Tue 10-Nov-15 14:43:49

Totally understandable that you are feeling rubbish but it is likely to be worse if you do not show. Your legal team (presumably brief fees already incurred so you'll have paid for them) can do less without you than with you. Horrid as it is likely to be I'd suggest turning up and letting your lawyers try the best they can for you. Better that than wonder what might have happened if you had fought. A % of something is better than 100% of nothing

VimFuego101 Tue 10-Nov-15 14:57:52

As the PP said - you're in the thick of it now, walking away will get you nothing, sticking it out will get you a % of something. The lawyers have already probably done most of their work so the fees will be the same either way. How old are your children? Is the discussion purely financial or does it also include who they will live with/ access/ visits?

Slummamumma Tue 10-Nov-15 15:14:45

Please find the strength to face this and do not walk away; it is probably what he is hoping you will do. 30% is better than nothing, you have come this far and will have done so much of the tough work already which is why you feel so rubbish and exhausted. What is happening with your children?

DivorceAlchemist Tue 10-Nov-15 19:07:37

Take a breath and some rest. It's important for you to keep with this and move forward. Do you have children of school age? If so the court will ensure that they are provided for if he has money. Keep in the process to support your legal team as much as you can and begin to plan for the future. Don't let this destroy you.

WandaFuca Tue 10-Nov-15 21:36:40

Please keep on going. It is a daunting and emotionally exhausting process to go through when you're dealing with an abusive ex - as many, many Mumsnetters can attest to.

But bear in mind that:

(a) judges will have seen it all before, and they gain information about the case not just from the paperwork but also from the demeanour of the parties in front of him/her, so if your ex presents as a smarmy git, the judge isn't likely to be impressed by that;


(b) the Family Courts are working increasingly for their judgments to be made public (almost always in an anonymised version) because the President of the Family Courts is insistent that the general public is aware of, and therefore can scrutinise, how decisions are made. So any judge who could be influenced by a smarmy git will be under scrutiny.

Go. Do your best to be clear and honest in everything you say. You deserve and need to be heard.

CocktailQueen Tue 10-Nov-15 21:40:06

Huge hugs to you, and some flowers

Hope it goes well. Be strong.

Homely1 Wed 11-Nov-15 07:08:06


sandgrown Wed 11-Nov-15 07:13:12

Been there and it is horrible. I more or less gave up the fight and have regretted it ever since. Please keep going for your future . The fighting will soon be over. Can you take a friend to wait with you? Good Luckflowers

ALaughAMinute Wed 11-Nov-15 07:31:36

If you can find a little bit of strength to keep going it will be worth it. Keep going in the knowledge that it will soon be over. Stay strong. Wishing you all the very best. flowers

Squigglypig Wed 11-Nov-15 07:38:30

Take each day as it comes and don't give up now. I am not a family lawyer but do work in litigation but do know that all litigation is a slog but worth persevering. 30% is better than nothing and you may get more.

DeoGratias Wed 11-Nov-15 13:56:32

Depends what 30% is. If it's enough to house you then that might be very fair.
If 30% is £2m then pre owned £100m assets might rightfully stay with each spouse. I got about 40% as ai earned more than ex. It is very hard to say what is fair just based on a percentage without the relative earnings and the value of the assets.

Were you married to him for 20 years? Have you got children?
What could you earn if you went back to full time work?
Is he proposing a clean break of continuing maintenance for you?

Moanranger Tue 17-Nov-15 09:06:01

OP. I feel your pain. The Form Es. The ranting responses from the ex, which cause your blood pressure to shoot up. The lawyer mistakes. It takes over & consumes your life & does exhaust you. But dig deep & find the strength. There will be a point where you turn a corner and see the end, and this will come sooner than you think. Good luck. Stay strong.

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