My wife of 6 years left me. It destroyed me. I have always put providing for my wife and kids before anything else. I am a good man and loved my wife with all my heart. I have resently got to a position were I can provide for us all very comfortably. Life was good and I'm thought we would be together forever.
It started with her saying she was moving out as we needed some time apart. Later after doing some investigating I find out she has been having an affair with a member of her family 14 years older than her and that she also used to be with him when she was 17 (he was married at the time).
To add insult to the wounds I uncovered a Web of lie after lie. I won't go into all the details but I found out so many hurtful things and levels she had gone to. Also that my money had funded most of the affair. I uncovered that she was playing some really sick mind games with me and that she can be quite manipulative. Even when it all came out she said she would tell me everything and even that was lies. It's like she is incapable of telling the truth anymore. I don't know who she has become. I wouldn't put my worst emany through this much pain let alone my spouse. I feel stupid as I had always trusted her 100%. I never thought she could be like this.
I know in her heart she really wants to be with this older man. But I don't think the feeling is mutral. I think he is just enjoying the frill of having sex with an attractive younger woman in her 20s who also regularly lends him money (he is no catch and always broke). I don't think he wants a long term relationship with her.
We have two great children Girl 4YO and Bou 9MO. She has moved 2 hrs drive away and I know being apart is upsetting them as well as ripping my heart apart. I just wanted them to have the happy upbringing I did with both parents.
I tried so hard to understand my wife and gave her so many opportunities but to be honest she is in love with this other man. I never thought I would ever say this but for me it is over. I still love her but there is too much destruction and pain. Her friends and family can see this guy is no good but she can't. Non of them can understand why she has left me. It is a mystery to us all. I am so worried that she has destroyed our family chasing happiness in the wrong place. I worry one day she will realise it's a mistake and it will be to late. It kills me what it is doing to our kids. Has she traded it all chasing fools gold? Has anyone been in my wife's shoes or can shine any insight?
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Divorce/separation
Has My Wife Destroyed Our Family Chasing A Fantisy
Father88883 · 08/11/2015 02:42
If you think there is a chance he abused her when she was she was young, please keep in mind he now has possibly unlimited and unsupervised access to your children 
A few skills while you were in the forces? 
I don't think you understand what people are getting at here with concerns about abuse of your wife when she was a minor. It sounds very likely from what you have said about this man that he abused her sexually when she was underage. It is very sadly predictable that he continues to be able to take advantage of her.
You need to find out everything you can about the previous time your wife and this man had a 'relationship' - for starters you need to figure out how they are related, and then you need to find out when the 'relationship' started and how long it went on, what sort of incidents do people remember.
You should be far more concerned about your children. Keeping an eye? What does that mean? How about using your armed forces skills to keep an eye on your children instead of doing whatever you did to find out what your wife was wearing while she was with this man? They are likely dealing with a man who will hurt them horribly. Stop wringing your hands about saving your wife and start finding out what sort of danger your children may be in, and consider contacting social services about the situation.
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Hi OP, you can ask for this thread to moved to Relationships if you like :) just hit report on any of your posts, a dialogue box will come up & just ask for this to be moved to Relationships.
I didn't see the other thread or Optimist1's comments.
You're not a mug, if your ex is in an abusive relationship with the other man then that's a very complex place to be & its often not understandable to anyone not in that relationship. The amount of control the man may be exerting over her, emotionally, physically & sexually may be such that she can't yet break away. It takes some women years to find the courage to leave, but of course this doesn't help you.
Whatever your wife's reasons then she has gone & as you said earlier, you would not have her back even if she wanted to come back. Focus on the future, what she does now with this relationship has no bearing on your life, its just the kids who matter now.
If you think that the OM (other man) poses a threat to your children or that they are at any risk of harm from him then contact Social Services or call the police non emergency number on 101 & ask for advice.
Protect yourself, find a solicitor & get advice on what happens with your joint assets. If you don't already have a bank account in your name only then open one. If you want to start divorce proceedings then go ahead. Stop using any dubious Forces skills to find out what she's doing/wearing/seeing/shitting on etc its like poking a rotten tooth & it will stop you healing. This must be very painful & you will feel betrayed & that's totally normal, but you need to put the kids first, then you & remember that her happiness & wellbeing is no longer your concern. If you want to remain friends then do so, but detach yourself emotionally from her. It can be hard, just take the rough with the smooth 
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