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daft financial settlement offer?

(59 Posts)
pinkhalf Tue 03-Nov-15 22:51:07

Divorcing husband. I have just got his first without prejudice offer on finance.

Its rubbish, I think. 50/50 on equity, he keeps his pensions, his investments, and his investment in his mothers house. We split debts equally.

Me? I get to keep my pension. 50 per cent of the house. Or I can buy him out for around 170000 to avoid disrupting our daughters life.

I am the main carer for our child who will start school next year - no read sole carer at the moment as he does no over nights. I work part time. I earn a third of what he does, and he works for a financial fund with bonuses.We were married for seven years, but had a realtionship for 10 years before.

So the offer is laughable - but really, is it normal to have such stupid offers? I mean, I assume I'm due more than this. Its not really an attempt to agree anything - it cant be anything that a court would agree, given we have a childand I'm going to struggle to raise a mortgage sufficient to stay in London....

is this just standard greedy high earner bullshit?

tribpot Tue 03-Nov-15 22:53:23

Are you being advised by a solicitor? No, his offer doesn't sound reasonable.

pinkhalf Tue 03-Nov-15 23:00:25

Yes. Solicitor hasn't given a view yet. I'm in the profession myself, but this is his offer to keep it amicable, apparently. I think its nothing but the barest offer he could make.

Epilepsyhelp Tue 03-Nov-15 23:24:42

That's basically a clean break, it would be the court's starting point too. He's lying when he says he's trying to keep it amicable! Clearly you need to come back with an equally absurd offer (100% of the house, half his pension, child maintenance well over csa and spousal support to go with it) then see what he comes back with! It's a ridiculous game but if that's what he's doing you have to play it. A friend of mine chose not to play and she struggles horribly still five years later while he is very wealthy.

pinkhalf Tue 03-Nov-15 23:32:47

Yes it just looks provocative to me. I'd assume that I'd do much better on the house, and the court would rubbish this. All for a clean break but it must be reasonable.

pinkhalf Tue 03-Nov-15 23:35:29

He's going to be pretty wealthy in a few years - its not worth agreeing this in a hurry, is it?

I'd really like to hear from women who found themselves in a similar position. Every time I have got anything out of this man, its been under dire threat. I assume I have to go to court.

Ineedahug Tue 03-Nov-15 23:42:04

So you've put your career on hold to have and care for your child? Id go for 100% of the equity of the marital home and he can keep the investment in his mums house. It doesn't have to go to court (this will cost a lot more money) but just dig your heels in! Good luck X

Morganly Tue 03-Nov-15 23:42:39

Nasty. Don't be provoked and don't play games. He won't get away with it as long as you stay in control of your emotions and negotiate from a position of knowledge of what you are legally entitled to. At least it confirms how right you are to lose the git.

oldfatandtired1 Tue 03-Nov-15 23:45:19

I recently divorced a six figure earner after a 20+ year marriage. I earn 28k per annum, I put my career on hold to look after the kids. (He worked away a lot, I did freelance work around the children). I got 90% house + half his pensions, clean break. Don't be bullied.

TheFormidableMrsC Tue 03-Nov-15 23:49:30

No, that's a shit offer frankly. I have recently taken my husband to court (myself, no solicitor) and won 100% of the marital assets, all the chattels, kept my pension and got a joint lives nominal order. My situation is slightly different in that my husband completely cut us off, even cancelling all insurances and utilities prior to leaving the family home and sacking me illegally from our company. I also have an ASD child (aged 4). OW had to attend court too. It's been eye opening horrific. However, as you are probably aware, the court want to ensure the children are provided for. I also wouldn't accept a clean break. Good luck! flowers

TheFormidableMrsC Tue 03-Nov-15 23:51:02

He's going to be pretty wealthy in a few years...and there is your reason for a nominal order.

pinkhalf Tue 03-Nov-15 23:57:01

He is a bully! It is the reason why we are no longer together. I wonder how much it will cost to play his game though - though he also asks that I sign away any future claims against him. He can fuck off with that.

notapizzaeater Wed 04-Nov-15 00:11:07

I'd counteroffer with a pie in the sky option and see what he retreats to

TheFormidableMrsC Wed 04-Nov-15 00:16:29

I imagine your solicitor will tell you that you need to go to mediation. Put an offer forward that works for you and negotiate from there. I really wouldn't go for a clean break with young children involved...you have no idea what the future holds, thus of course he wants you to sign away future claims. There was no way I was doing that, not after the stunts my ex and his OW pulled.

My ex ended up with exactly nothing. He frittered away a huge amount of money entertaining OW, showing her what great guy he was. Expensive underwear, jewellery, flying lessons, oh it went on. When I was forced to take him to court (his idea of a financial settlement was a life insurance policy, that in his words, "would leave MrsC OK" when he died), the Judge decided he'd had his fun, spent what he would have got out of the marriage. Instead he has lost his life's work, his home, his business, his friends, everything. OW has had to provide him with a car...as he sold his to entertain her. What a twat.

Be prepared for endless fuckwittery, but dig your heels in!

TheFormidableMrsC Wed 04-Nov-15 00:18:32

....and as I mentioned previously, I couldn't afford a solicitor, it simply wasn't and option and I had to do it myself. It was a steep learning curve but I got through it with the help of some incredible Mumsnetters and very many late nights and law books!!

pinkhalf Wed 04-Nov-15 00:35:02

Yes I read your threads with interest MrsC and was encouraged. I am a litigator by trade so I could pick it up perhaps I think your point about a clean break is a very good one.

His argument is that I should go back work as a top flight solicitor - thats not really going to work at 38 with a child to look after because of the hours that entails. I am too bloody old to do that now and wont find a job of that kind. Its ten years since I worked in the City. I changed my job to fit around her and he earned the bigger money. I'm working, but I don't see that I have to be impoverished by this thing I wrongly married.

TooSassy Wed 04-Nov-15 07:20:37

That's a rubbish offer. And no court would even rubber stamp it. He's taking the piss.

toastyarmadillo Wed 04-Nov-15 07:50:31

Let us know how you get on with your solicitor but I agree a clean break would, in your case, be a mistake. Effectively throwing away money

TheFormidableMrsC Wed 04-Nov-15 09:32:10

Pink, I totally agree with you. Some jobs are impossible to do as a lone parent. I was in a similar situation to you in that respect. Now at 46 with an autistic 4 yo, my options are limited, the Judge acknowledged that. Will be interested to hear what you solicitor's take on this is.

Please feel free to PM me if I can be of any help!

ALaughAMinute Wed 04-Nov-15 10:35:41

From what you say his proposed offer is a joke!

I'm no expert (although I am going through divorce myself and have several friends who are divorced) but from what you have said I think you should be looking at something in the region of 65% of the house, plus half his pension and spousel/child maintenance. This of course is just a guess but it seems to me that his proposal is way beneath what someone would normally expect in your situation. Good luck.

sillymummy11 Wed 04-Nov-15 14:48:00

Wow. That's not even 50/50 if you take into account his other investments/pensions as pensions can be worth a lot (apparently...I don't understand myself).

Absolutely no way jose. The courts see the welfare of the child as paramount, and the need for a secure home for the child, who lives with you. His offer is worse than rubbish. You're well shot of him...

darbo Wed 04-Nov-15 14:57:12

This offer is absurd; he is trying to pull a fast one. I'm in a similar position to you... You are entitled to half his pension, and he gets half yours, house split but if you have care of your child, you get bigger share, etc. He is trying to avoid giving you what you're entitled to and has the nerve to think you will be pushed into it as you don't have a choice. You do. Put your foot down. These men are greedy and think only of themselves whereas you think of your future with your child(ren).

MisForMumNotMaid Wed 04-Nov-15 15:10:22

I think its a rubish offer but I also think its really good to step back and think what you and your DD actually need and want. Try not to get too bogged down in entitled to for one moment, just what do YOU want.

I had a very quick divorce from an 11 year marriage when my DC were 1 and 3. I value that the divorce was quick and i was able to get on with living, it wasn't necessary to get the children overly emotionally entangled in fights and drama (not that I'm suggesting thats whats happening with you). My XH was volitile and I think there was the risk if things had dragged of him being really very awkward and it seriously effecting the children and if he got to me emotionally that would have had an effect on the children too. He was loved up and all I worked out I wanted was the children and the house. He has paid maintenance at a bit below guidelines but I value the years I gained being able to just move on more than the pounds.

darbo Wed 04-Nov-15 15:42:40

The words 'move on' are peddled around as if it's more important to get your freedom than to have financial security for the future - it's not. it's not just money, it's principle. Why should men have all the benefits of divorce when often women make all the sacrifices?

TheFormidableMrsC Thu 05-Nov-15 00:23:47

I totally agree with you Darbo. Aside from which, "moving on" for some me is a long and difficult process and I am still trying to recover after two years. The whole bloody process is horrific. I was, however, damned if I was going to let my husband and his OW make my children and I homeless which is what they tried to do. Sod that.

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