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Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Divorce/separation

Advice needed from anyone that has been there - getting exH to see sense - finances

21 replies

Moanranger · 07/09/2015 21:00

We have divorced, but never settled assets due to exH completely unrealistic valuation of my business assets. We went to court for the initial hearing in June, with the first court hearing scheduled for Oct. my problem is the legal fees are just too high, and I may need to represent myself if someone, the court? The judge? Doesn't slap down my ex. To summarise, he won't declare all his assets, insists we split all of our assets ( except for the business ) 2 years ago, and insists he should pay me a multi- six figure sum for his share of a jointly owned business ( which has actually been valued at around £70k)
His position is completely unsupportable, but he lives in a universe of his own where HE IS ALWAyS RIGHT. At what points can/ will the court put a stop to this.? To me it feels like very expensive harassment

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babybarrister · 07/09/2015 21:38

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Moanranger · 07/09/2015 22:11

So what is meant by a written open? We have exchanged questionnaires, and he has provided a Statement ( I am seeing Counsel before I provide mine.) is that what you mean?
As part of his response, he commissioned and sent to the court an expert valuation of my business based on numerous erroneous assumptions. It was promptly pointed out to him that this was entirely inappropriate, ( not jointly agreed, etc). Just an example of his thinking. His lawyer just seems to facilitate his lunacy.

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babybarrister · 08/09/2015 21:12

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Moanranger · 10/09/2015 23:24

My hand was forced when it was suggested that the first Con with counsel would cost £3k + VAT. I have now taken steps to take over my defence, probably finding a Makenzie friend. Life goes on & I must do this. His case is risible & I won't need an expensive lawyer to prove this.

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babybarrister · 13/09/2015 21:51

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Moanranger · 15/09/2015 22:59

What would that cost? I have found a McKenzie friend for £500. My problem is I am looking at more than £6 k worth of bills now ( & more to follow, I suspect). It will take me ages to pay this off. I want. My legal costs fixed, so £500 for the next hearing & £500 for a trial. I don't trust lawyers much at the moment.

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babybarrister · 16/09/2015 07:31

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Moanranger · 23/09/2015 23:15

I am working my way through the process, working on agreeing an index. My ex made me a without prejudice offer tonight. If I pay him £350K he will settle! Is he insane? Uh, yeah! He's worth £200K more than me.
So it's off to court we go...

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Zebraface · 30/09/2015 21:52

My divorce cost £13,000. 2 years wages. We went to FDR but it was the only way I felt I could get an honest opinion.... From the judge.
It's tough,but please don't settle for less than you deserve....its for your new life...,,& its a small price to pay for justice . What i got the OW didnt! not that I'm bitter

Moanranger · 02/10/2015 20:15

Well, the second FDR hearing is Tuesday. I have a Makenzie friend who seems to be on the ball. It would seem that his monetary demands bear no relationship to what is considered in marital law, which is about the needs of the parties & their capacity to pay.
The issue goes back two plus years: I had a consultancy business in which he was a 50% shareholder for tax purposes. This was a nightmare due to his screwball approach towards tax & finance generally. When we split - he found an OW that can match him drink for drink - he wanted £500k for half the business - basically holding me to ransom. I started a new business & wound the other one down. This has comprehensively pissed him off. I did not do this until he turned down a realistic offer for his share.
I think my position is strong, but what has really worn me out is the vitriol & unvarnished GREED that comes through all his submissions. It makes me feel vulnerable & bullied. I just hope I can keep it together on the day.
Another thing that irks me is his lawyer: she is either egging him on, or not telling him the facts of the matter. I have nothing but contempt for her.

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Everytimeref · 02/10/2015 20:23

Who valued the business and what other assets are there? eg house pensions etc? Are there any children? Does your stbx work, what his is income compared to yours?
As your Makenzie friend states the finances in divorce usually centre around the needs of both parties.

Moanranger · 03/10/2015 20:35

Business valued by a respected expert, jointly agreed tho ex not happy with result. Most assets have been split, but there was never a proper inventory. Neither of us " need" money from the other, but he is completely obsessed with the idea that I have somehow ripped him off, so should pay him big time. He works, but not very hard!

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Moanranger · 06/10/2015 18:25

Well we had the second hearing & all rather pointless as deputy judge (a part-timer) decided we needed another company valuation. So that's where we are at & this will take months & not really move things forward. It seems to be a myth that judges/court push you to settle. This judge had a full docket & just seemed to want to quickly get rid of us, & on to the next. I have asked for another FDR, after we get the valuation, so that just maybe, we can settle - faint hope, but worth a tryPerry Mason it ain't - more like a big muddle.

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Moanranger · 07/10/2015 18:37

Still reflecting on yesterday. In the second hearing (FDR) the judge is supposed to give you an indication of what a judge is likely to decide at a final hearing, to concentrate minds. Did this happen? No. Chocolate teapots spring to mind.

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Richywalters12 · 13/10/2015 23:03

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Mumoftwoyoungkids · 13/10/2015 23:17

Gosh Richy That sounds totally marvellous! Just super duper trooper! And your wife sounds a lovely lady and totally worth getting back too! Hurrah!

Moanranger · 15/10/2015 19:58

The Sharland decision has just emerged & there are two helpful areas: one refers to clean break agreements needing to be validated by the courts ( this is helpful to me.
Also, the headline stuff about hiding assets.
But on a more mundane note, will my exH do the maths & realise he is on a hiding to nothing? Or will he continue with his donkey-like behaviour? ( Apologies to all donkeys!)

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Homely1 · 15/10/2015 22:05

What did Richy post about?

Moanranger · 16/10/2015 17:10

Homely1, probably something snarky, which caused MNHQ to delete!

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Mumoftwoyoungkids · 16/10/2015 21:04

A spell to make the Op's husband come back!

Moanranger · 16/11/2015 21:33

Thought I would update, as things getting stranger & stranger. In court at second hearing, ( called FDR) his counsel demanded a company valuation, which the court ordered. Ex seemed to think this needed urgently. This will be expensive, but I started to negotiate. Now nothing. I sent some emails over a week ago - no response - & the court order was supposed to be complied with in early November. I kind of think he is all over the place mentally.
I am also reliably informed that he has split from OW, which could have some bearing on this.
I am in a bit of a dilemma. He petitioned for the financial hearing, so he is in the driving seat. I could just let the whole thing slide, but I think it would be best to get the Consent decree so that all chapters on this bitter divorce are closed.
I was married to a very strange man, and getting divorced from him is equally weird.

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