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Am I right to be concerned?

(2 Posts)
JustMe80 Mon 17-Aug-15 15:00:20

Hi, I could really do with some advice! I have been separated just over a year, divorced since beginning of year. My ex-husband and I have a daughter, aged six. My daughter's happiness and wellbeing is my priority. Both my ex and I are in new relationships, he sees our daughter every other weekend. He previously had more overnight stays but reduced these due to work commitments. That was fine by me.

My ex requested two weeks with our daughter during the summer holidays which I agreed to. This was agreed months ago and I assumed (always dangerous) he would spend the entire two weeks with her, he was supposed to go away with her but this didn't materialise. In fact during the first week our daughter spent the Sun-Fri staying at his mother's and he didn't visit her during this time. The second week he was away on business for two days, involving one overnight. His mother again looked after our daughter. Our daughter expressed sadness at not spending the entire two weeks with her dad and indeed her behaviour deteriorated right before she went away to stay with him.

I have since found out that when she was staying with his mother, she shared a bed with his mother. I feel this is highly inappropriate. I was given a one hour window in which I could call her, yet I have never put this stipulation on when he can call our daughter when she is in my care and indeed I pushed back on this request. My daughter also told me 'daddy lied to me', referring to a supposed recent business trip when in fact he was away with his new girlfriend, her children and extended family members. I have no issue with him going away (I wish him all the best in his new relationship), but am very sad that he lied then told our daughter the truth and she is aware of the fact he lied. It does also explain his depleted annual leave and his inability to spend the entire two weeks with her.

I knew this wouldn't be easy, but I feel so sad for our daughter. Is anyone going through similar? Have you put caveats in for future extended visits? I feel I have to, sadly. Any advice much appreciated.

midnightvelvetPart2 Mon 17-Aug-15 17:54:20

The trouble is, any caveats you put in aren't necessarily kept to. Also you have no control over who she's with once she's gone.

I'd talk to your daughter, is she happy to stay with the grandmother or would she rather not?

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