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Perfect dad...

(19 Posts)
Whycantibehappy1 Mon 10-Aug-15 08:28:00

So now we are separated my daughter goes and stays with him every weekend, when we were together all he did was work weekends or go out with his friends now he acts like the perfect dad taking DC out all weekend and having a great time, sending me pics of what they are doing with his family. It makes me sick tbh, he couldn't be arsed to do any of that before, is he tormenting me??

MozzchopsThirty Mon 10-Aug-15 08:51:32

Aah the Disney dad syndrome!

I get this, exh never took kids anywhere and would never take time off in hols.
Now he's taking them camping, bike rides, cinema etc

Just suck it up, the kids benefit and you still know what a massive tosser he is grin

Whycantibehappy1 Mon 10-Aug-15 08:57:48

ah theres even a name for it - must be common! yes amazing they suddenly have the time and money to spend with kids when they have nothing else...shame he didn't realize that when we were together!!

MozzchopsThirty Mon 10-Aug-15 08:59:43

My ex does it as part of his ridiculous competitive streak, he has to be the best!
It's incredibly sadgrin

Just smile whilst saying in your head 'nob jockey'

clam Mon 10-Aug-15 08:59:53

Why does he have her every weekend? When do you get to have "down-time" with her away from the Mon-Fri routine?

Minime85 Mon 10-Aug-15 10:19:50

I think it's part of them feeling better about themselves by doing it. I'm with clam, why don't you get the dcs some of the time at the weekend? That's not right.

pretend Mon 10-Aug-15 10:24:01

Your ex is seeing your kids every weekend, making sure they're having a good time and you're pissed off?? Seriously?

Get a grip.

ChangedJustForThisYo Mon 10-Aug-15 10:27:06

Seriously pretend?

It's slap you in the face clear that she's pissed off that he couldn't be fucked to put 10% of that effort In when they were together.

pretend Mon 10-Aug-15 10:28:51

And now he's being a good dad. Which is great. Isn't it?

MozzchopsThirty Mon 10-Aug-15 10:37:28

Pretend what is your point other than to make the op feel bad?
Have you been in this situation?

Minime85 Mon 10-Aug-15 10:40:51

Yes and no pretend. Of course it's good the kids are having a good time. But parenting isn't just about going out and having fun all then time.
He should have stepped up to the mark before they separated. And all too often the mum facilitiates the relationship with the dad at the expense of their own for example dad having the kids all weekend. Why should that happen? Each parent should have the opportunity to have fun times and equally both should do their share of the homeworks and make your bed and tidy your room and listening to them read and cooking dinners etc etc. that's being a good parent taking responsibility for it all not just the fun times.

pretend Mon 10-Aug-15 10:48:05

Why would I bother posting if I didn't have experience of the situation?

Regardless of what the Op and her ex have arranged as regards contact (and the question here really isn't whether it's fair that he gets every weekend or whether he supervises homework) the ex is seeing his kids regularly and by the sounds of it putting in a fair bit of effort so that the kids and he have a nice time.

The OP says nothing about him letting them get away with murder, not disciplining them or not backing her up when she disciplines them, so I don't get the cries of "Disney dad". A Disney dad is NOT a dad who sees his kids often and has a good relationship with them. That is simply called a "dad" and calling him a Disney dad is frankly offensive.

Yes, wouldn't it have been nice if he'd have been a great dad and husband when they were together? Well he wasn't and the OP will just have to move on from that is she wants to successfully co parent with him. Once you are separated the ONLY consideration is the children, not how hurt you are, or what he did or didn't do before the split.

So the OP needs to put her hurt feelings aside and appreciate the fact that he is trying now to build a relationship with his kids. It's the only mature thing to do. Complaining about him seeing them regularly and having fun with them is ridiculous.

pretend Mon 10-Aug-15 10:49:32

To be honest re reading the Op it sounds like she feels jealous and left out.

ARGH2AHHH Mon 10-Aug-15 10:59:58

I kind of get Pretend.

But I also understand where OP is coming from. Perhaps if ex had shown an iota of the interest he is now showing dc, while they were together, they might just still be together?

At the same time, it's good that he's now showing an interest. Isn't that better than him fucking off and abandoning the dc as we see so often?

I do understand where you're coming from though, op. It does smart a bit doesn't it? In my own experience, I just try and remember it can only be a good thing for the children in the end.

elastamum Mon 10-Aug-15 11:21:51

Even though it is good for the DC it can be galling when a parent who has shown little interest suddenly becomes 'super dad'.

Unfortunately 'superdad' does not always extend his powers to the mundane stuff that is good parenting - the worrying, the discipline, the school run, the homework, the washing and ironing, the caring for sick children.

'Superdad' is also frequently better off financially that 'mere mortal mum' so is able to lavish more treats, holidays etc.

The only thing you can do is to try to establish ground rules about how you will co-parent, make sure he contributes fairly, and count your blessings that an involved father is actually a good thing for the DC.

Its not about you flowers

Whycantibehappy1 Mon 10-Aug-15 12:09:06

I'm not knocking it! I've seen both situations; but like I said before he wasn't interested in going out and playing happy families when we were together. If my DC is happy hen that's all that matters to me.

kittybiscuits Mon 10-Aug-15 22:19:57

Why does he have your DC every weekend? I'd ignore pretend. Does your ex have a mumsnet account at all?

wannabestressfree Mon 10-Aug-15 22:30:16

Another One wondering why your Child is There every weekend?

Newbrummie Tue 11-Aug-15 09:16:17

I'm not so sure it is good for the kids actually to see one parent as the fun one and one as the down trodden drudge.
I don't think it's healthy.
I don't think I'd stand for it either, every other weekend, but more child support and make him take them for a couple of weeks holiday too.

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