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Weekends alone

(16 Posts)
Nothavingfunrightnow Sun 09-Aug-15 10:15:51

I am recently separated and very relieved at that! Our DS sees his dad very often and this is only the third weekend now where he has been away for the entire weekend.

I find myself drinking way too much, staying up til stupid o'clock watching movies and then mooching around doing very little all day. I am hoping that this is just a phase and that I will start making good use of my weekends alone!

How do others fill up their weekends? I feel guilty just whiling away the days, but then the separation is only about 6 weeks old.

Another thing is that so many friends and family members have been very kind and supportive but I get the impression that I am supposed to feel sad and broken hearted whereas I feel relieved and free and unencumbered by the fuckwit that is my STBXH.

For those of you who felt sheer relief, did you feel sadness at a later date?

ConfusedNoMore Sun 09-Aug-15 10:27:12

Hi..it definitely went in phases for me. I'm a year post separation now.

Found the weekends on my own easier than the ones with ds for a while. Found it hard adjusting to being a family of two (3 including dog)! I was and am so Damn tired that the weekend alone flies by. I sleep! Have that rare lie in I waited years for and yes sometimes drink too much.

Just be kind to yourself. It's all new. There's no rules. Do what you need to. I wasted a beautiful sunny day lounging in bed all morning yday like a teenager but actually, maybe I needed to.

Nothavingfunrightnow Sun 09-Aug-15 10:34:46

ConfusedNoMore, perhaps that is what I needed: Permission to use or abuse my day as I want to smile

Yes, it is still new and I am still adjusting but how wonderful it is to do as I please without being moaned at or without having to be at someone's beck and call constantly.

ConfusedNoMore Sun 09-Aug-15 10:43:43

You wholeheartedly have permission! From someone still lounging in bed....again! grin you enjoy.

Nothavingfunrightnow Sun 09-Aug-15 10:45:37

You made me smile! Thank you! grin

Whycantibehappy1 Mon 10-Aug-15 07:44:12

I'm trying to keep myself busy, I've started Zumba classes and walks on meetup.com. The kids are going on a week long holiday soon, I haven't been on my own totally for years I'm dreading it tbh sad

ConfusedNoMore Mon 10-Aug-15 07:48:22

You're welcome op :-)

Whycant... Are you able to get away somewhere yourself? Visit friends? Or even go do things you like that you don't get chance to with kids? Cinema? Sleeeep! Night out?

It gets easier.

Minime85 Mon 10-Aug-15 10:16:03

I decorate or work a bit and sulk a lot! I find it hard when they aren't here. But I'm more used to it now after two years. I do take the time to do me things and go shopping without moaning or go to the cinema etc. def lounge around in pjs. And in time you might want to use the time for dating grin

ConfusedNoMore Mon 10-Aug-15 15:08:49

Yeah I'm not brave enough for dating or perhaps interested enough in the male species at the moment Minime. Ex has perhaps put me off indefintitely!

Nothavingfunrightnow Mon 10-Aug-15 21:54:29

I am definitely not ready yet for dating!! Nooooo!

I am a teacher and an heading towards the end of a long summer break. I reckon once I am back at work, I will have more to do. I am studying part time, too, so that will definitely keep me busy.

Minime, I found myself sulking when i went to get some groceries and I suddenly realised I had no need to sulk at all! smile

LabradorMama Fri 14-Aug-15 22:29:15

Watching with interest as this will be my first weekend alone after splitting with ex a week ago. I drop DS off tomorrow morning until Monday morning. I'm dreading it. DS and I are staying with my parents at the minute too so I haven't even got my own space and stuff around me sad

ConfusedNoMore Sat 15-Aug-15 19:09:22

Hey labrador. How was drop off? Take it easy. Try and get some rest or maybe go for walk if you need space.

I was in your exact position last summer. Take it a day at a time or even an hour. It gets easier bit by bit.

LabradorMama Sat 15-Aug-15 22:33:12

Thanks for asking Confused, it wasn't so bad. DS was a little clingy at first but soon settled and I went to work for a couple of hours then had long chat with ExP about plans for future - housing etc - whilst DS napped. Long dog walk this afternoon then dinner with my family. Tomorrow I am going to take my laptop to Costa first thing and research how to apply for tax credits, how to calculate maintenance.

I hope everyone else is managing without their DCs this weekend. What are you all up to? I'm in bed with a hot water bottle!

ConfusedNoMore Sat 15-Aug-15 22:47:10

Sounds like you're doing well. Tax credits are baffling but initially cab helped get my head around it. Then main thing is to have all info ready when you ring up. Ring and ask what they'll need if you're not sure. They've been helpful when I've had to.

I have ds this wknd. I'm in bed too watching some dvds and having another early booze free night cos I'm knackered!

Fairylea Sat 15-Aug-15 22:53:04

When I was a single parent I got myself a second job in a bar / hotel for weekend shifts and when dd went to her dad's I was able to easily pick up more hours (and more socialising!) on those weekends to keep me busy. When I had dd I would just work one shift during the evening on that weekend which my mum or a babysitter was able to listen out for her on (and I'd still have the day free for dd). Obviously doesn't suit everyone and depends on your situation but may be worth considering.

Nothavingfunrightnow Sun 16-Aug-15 13:53:29

Labrador, how has your weekend been? I second what Confused said about Tax Credits. Make sure you have your annual income to hand, plus childcare costs and your anticipated income for the coming tax year. It is confusing but the person I spoke to at HMRC (the day after STBXH left) was very kind and helpful.

Fairylea, I have considered a second job, but I think I will be busy enough when I am back at work after the summer. I teach and am studying part time so that will keep me going. Next summer I will be qualified to mark exam papers so i will apply to do that.

DS is going away with his Dad for 6 nights quite soon. I reckon i will need to keep busy then!

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