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I'm divorcing on unreasonable behaviour ground- advise please (DIY divorce)

(18 Posts)
PearlsandWisdom Sat 01-Aug-15 18:20:45

First post here, hello smile

I'm divorcing my ex-partner (civil partnership) on unreasonable behaviour, I already have a few examples, however, I'm unable to remember specific dates, any help appreciated. Thank you.

1) The Respondent refused to share her social life with the Petitioner, making the Petitioner feel unwanted and isolated. (was ongoing)

2) The Respondent had displayed a lack of interest in intimacy towards the Petitioner, which had led the Petitioner to feel lonely, isolated and seek attention elsewhere. (was ongoing and during latter part of civil partnership)

3)The Respondent was very moody and often took health issues and pain out on the Petitioner, which left the Petitioner feeling upset and hurt. (was ongoing and during latter part of civil partnership)

4)The Respondent sometimes went out with friends alone with no regard of returning home at a reasonable hour.

5) As a result of the Respondent’s unreasonable behaviour, the Petitioner found it impossible to continue living with the Respondent. Consequently, the Petitioner permanently vacated the former marital home in May 2014.

Minime85 Sat 01-Aug-15 19:46:07

Are civil divorces the same? Sorry if a silly question just wasn't sure. Not sure if put in about getting attention elsewhere as that would suggest your ex should divorce you for adultery?
I put six things on mine. Two were dated. Is it amicable? If so could you agree on a rough date for example?

PearlsandWisdom Sat 01-Aug-15 20:02:24

Yes it's exactly the the usual divorce smile

You cannot use adultery as an option for same-sex marriage, so it's impossible she can say adultery, besides, the attention was purely online, never physical.

Slightly amicable, we have a child (I was birth mother), however, I have a slight feeling she may kick off when she sees these, I'm unsure whether this subject is approachable as she is very unpredictable (mood swings etc, and she will think she really has done nothing wrong).

Minime85 Sat 01-Aug-15 20:43:54

I showed ex ours before it landed on door mat as although were are relatively amicable as ex said to me it's not nice seeing it all down in black and white. So if you can show her once it's done it might help it go down better. All the reasons sound similar to mine. Can you recall a specific argument where maybe names were called or sworn at? I used that as one of mine where I had been called a bitch.

PearlsandWisdom Sat 01-Aug-15 20:48:33

I can recall lots of incidents, but they're all before the six month latter mark sad

I left the marital home when my daughter was 4 months. During the last six months (when I was in my last months of pregnancy and I'd had my daughter) things had relatively calmed down, the main issues were lack of sex, lack of communication and a positive outcome, general things like that, but I have absolutely no dates. I t was a very unhappy marriage, I think I may have just blocked this all out subconsciously.

Haffdonga Sat 01-Aug-15 20:58:56

I don't know anything about the legal side so please ignore if I'm talking BS, but your number 4 sounds very weak.

The Respondent sometimes went out with friends alone with no regard of returning home at a reasonable hour

Actually going out with friends alone every now and then (even to an unreasonably late hour) sounds entirely reasonable to me. Would it be honest to change it to something like this?

The respondent regularly went out until the early hours of the morning without asking the the petitioner to accompany her and without informing the petitioner of her whereabouts or expected return time. This caused the petitioner to feel distressed, isolated and disturbed her ability to sleep.

PearlsandWisdom Sat 01-Aug-15 21:07:29

It was unreasonable as it was almost every weekend, at last minute notice, no invites for me, and making up stories about how her friends 'were locking her in the house' so she couldn't come home.

But thank you, I need a little tough love here, I'll use this as you've edited.

Haffdonga Sat 01-Aug-15 21:16:43

I also think you probably need to be a lot clearer with examples in number 3. What do you mean by the respondent took health issues and pain out on the Petitioner ? (Did she sulk, swear, throw things or grumble? Again, taking pain out on a partner may not be unreasonable depending on what she actually did.)

Rather than 'moody' (very subjective and not necessarily 'unreasonable' to change mood) could you explain more clearly what you? e.g. The respondent behaved with extreme irritation towards the petitioner and spoke unkindly and with aggression (plus dated example incident).

PearlsandWisdom Sat 01-Aug-15 21:21:32

'Took health issues out on the petitioner' meaning she was very snappy when I'd make suggestions and talk about every day things. She'd knock me down. I have no date as this was on a day to day basis, it's quite a general.

I'm getting frustrated as I can't think of timeframes here.

Minime85 Sat 01-Aug-15 21:24:35

Ideally you need words that she used which you can quote to go with it. I used not being allowed to socialise as wasn't invited. Haffdonga's version is really good I'd use that.

Haffdonga Sat 01-Aug-15 21:26:34

Can you think of a time when it happened on a date you can fix in time? (e.g. birth of baby? family event? christmas? holiday? even a trip to the dentist?)

Look back in the calendar or on bank statements to jog your memory of where you were when.

mandy214 Sat 01-Aug-15 21:26:52

In relation to going out to unreasonable hours - and you've now said every weekend - that you were left caring for your child?

PearlsandWisdom Sat 01-Aug-15 21:28:48

It was stuff like 'well, I don't know do I?!', but it was the tone. I'm sure you know what I mean.

PearlsandWisdom Sat 01-Aug-15 21:33:07

I think she pulled an all-nighter on Christmas Eve (the usual don't know when she will be home etc), 5 months before I left.

MelanieCheeks Sat 01-Aug-15 21:34:41

Ummm, I think it would be really hard to claim that those are " unreasonable behaviour".
Have you tried talking to your partner about them?

PearlsandWisdom Sat 01-Aug-15 21:37:09

No, I haven't tried talking to her, she's unapproachable about this subject.

PearlsandWisdom Mon 03-Aug-15 18:08:40

I can remember she used to sleep with the TV on, I always asked her to turn it off (I had work the next day and she didn't work) and she always refused as she said she couldn't sleep without it on. Would you class this as unreasonable?

TaraG23 Thu 13-Aug-15 12:14:58

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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