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confused about maintenance

(15 Posts)
lovethisheat Mon 29-Jun-15 23:58:43

I'm confused about maintenance and what to expect. My ex gives me spousal and child maintenance. He is a very high earner. We have 1 dd, at private school. He pays her school fees. She is hopefully going to uni in September. When this happens 2/3 of the child maintenance I receive for her will go directly to her.

I'm confused as to who then pays for what….if she wants something, and I can't afford it - am I expected to find a way to pay for it?

Eg if she wants a holiday with friends next summer my 1/3 left of maintenance won't cover that so should I then forego other things to be able to afford it, or should dad pay? Who is then her supporting parent?

My ex is very financially comfortable, and will be better off from not having to pay school fees, whereas I don't earn much money and simply can't afford it. Ex says that we are both her parents and thus should pay equally towards anything she needs.

(He isn't paying uni fees despite having always paid school fees, and I am upset that she will be starting her working life with a student loan to repay, especially as tuition fees are less than he currently pays for schooling).

I think I'm just a bit confused about what my maintenance is meant to cover and who pays for anything that isn't covered by it?

We have split costs for most things to date, but I have other friends where they receive maintenance and also ask ex for extras - car insurance, trips, extra clothes etc, and they get it.

What is reasonable and expected and what isn't?

Is this clear? I've read back and I'm confused! Sorry! It's late!

AlpacaMyBags Tue 30-Jun-15 01:24:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlpacaMyBags Tue 30-Jun-15 01:25:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NerrSnerr Tue 30-Jun-15 04:19:08

She'll be an adult then so she will have to get a part time job and pay any holidays. That's what most students (and grown ups, and that's what she'll be) do.

Lonecatwithkitten Tue 30-Jun-15 13:32:38

She will be an adult and can discuss it all herself with her parents. You will be able to say I'm sorry I can't afford to help you. As others have said she can also get a part time job.

Cabrinha Tue 30-Jun-15 21:37:00

If he's a high earner then 2/3 of her maintenance is going to a considerable sum of money for an 18 to student.
She wants a holiday, she can save up and pay for it like most ADULTS.

No parent, divorced or otherwise is obliged to pay for their adult child's holiday.

You should use maintenance towards the essential costs you have regarding her. Even your 1/3 you don't have to put towards luxury items for her - presumably you're housing her in the holidays so it's fine to keep that towards the cost of housing her.

No point getting upset about her having to pay her own uni fees. Plenty of students do. And with maintenance direct to her, she's probably getting more than many of her peers.

LemonYellowSun Tue 30-Jun-15 21:42:13

I am confused why you still get a third of maintenance when she isn't living with you anymore.

Cabrinha Tue 30-Jun-15 21:56:23

Presumably because most uni students don't move out permanently until graduation?

AlpacaMyBags Tue 30-Jun-15 22:34:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Penfold007 Tue 30-Jun-15 22:43:00

CD will be an adult and expected to fund her own holidays.

lovethisheat Wed 01-Jul-15 08:31:19

Thanks for this. Yes, I will still get 1/3 maintenance because she will still be living with me in the holidays.
Re her being an adults and paying for herself, I think that the 2/3 will actually just about cover her living costs, if her dad pays for her accommodation so I don't think there will be any extra. I just get so confused about what I should pay for or do overtime at work to cover or what her dad should pay for.
That's also interesting about court ordered maintenance stopping and he can go through the CSA. I hadn't heard that before. Is that applicable to spousal maintenance too?
If he goes to the CSA and I don't get any child maintenance for her, then I guess he can just pay everything straight to her, and pay for everything for her? Although he is a high earner, the amount I get is actually a very small percentage of his salary.

redannie118 Wed 01-Jul-15 09:08:46

Hello to make things clear if she is at uni she wont get anything from CMS as shes in advanced education and her student loan is classed as her income. If you have an agreement in place to cover her through uni I would strongly suggest you stick to that as legally speaking he is no longer under any obligation to provide for her at all as she is considered an adult with her own income.Just for background purposes I am a case worker for the child maintenance service 2012 scheme.

Newbrummie Wed 01-Jul-15 09:57:19

Spousal maintence is separate and that should continue as agreed

lovethisheat Wed 01-Jul-15 19:00:10

Thank you. So if our agreement (made in court) was that through tertiary education he would pay 1/3 to me and 2/3 to her, (and I have no reason to believe that would stop. He has made all payments regularly etc), so that ought to continue. But the general view seems to be that after 18 even though she is at uni and not working full time, she is an adult and should provide for herself. i.e., not that I do overtime etc to fund her? (Ex would prob say he will pay half a holiday if I pay half, but for him to fund it takes him 1 hour work!).
Thanks for all the input. I have in general found it quite confusing to understand where responsibilities lie for things that weren't agreed in court.

Cabrinha Wed 01-Jul-15 20:03:19

You know, I don't think that's just about the divorce. I think it would have happened too, as she became an adult, as to what the Bank of Mum & Dad would fund.

As you say XH is a high earner, I expect you've been used to just buying things for her as a child - school trips that not everyone can afford, extra activities, iPads - that sort of thing!

Well, comes a time it's fine for them to stand on their own two feet! You keep mentioning a holiday. Well... It's nice if you can afford to pay for that. But no way should a parent feel they OUGHT to do overtime for it. Actually, I'd be embarrassed if my parents did overtime so that I, as an adult, could laze around in the sun!!

Stop worrying about it. You don't have to pay for her holidays! No 18yo is owed a holiday!

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